What's the Plan?

I got a little excited yesterday.... I had got home from church, threw on a load of laundry, and immediately changed into my bathing suit so I could head straight to the pool. I was trying to squeeze in a few hours of sun to reach that coveted golden shade of tan. I had it all planned out: spend a few hours in the sun, fold up my laundry, and then head back for church. Done. A nice Sunday afternoon.

So my cousin Kenny and I are at the pool talking about "cabbages and kings" ($20 if you know where that is from), when we heard it: a small little roar of thunder in the distance. To the west of us, the sun was bright and hot, streaming down UVB rays of light unto our fragile Canadian skin... But to the east, the sky was dark and gloomy. Giant gray clouds merged to block out the blue sky and with it came threatened showers. Again, the thunder beckoned, the lightening answered, and the smell of rain began to mingle with the air... It was almost enchanting... And I grew excited. Excited because the monsoons have arrived here in Phoenix, and with them comes a much needed downpour of rain. Rain is something you don't see often in the desert. And when it shows up, it's a welcomed treat.

After about 10 minutes of watching the clouds roll in, and not wanting to get poured on and ruin my hair and makeup (vain I know!!), I decided to head back to the house, get ready, and go take a drive. I think Phoenicians hibernate in the summer; it's too hot to go outside much... (I'm sure that is how my Canadian friends feel in the winter). But with the rain about to fall, I wanted to be out in it.... or at least in the car. To drive around with a cup of Starbucks and just take it all in. (That's my dreamy writer's side coming out...)

It was just starting to rain when I got to my car. Despite my 4 million CD cases lingering in the backseat, I drove off in silence, just listening to the rain and my own thoughts. My dad will tell you this is an understatement, but I think way way too much. And then I analyze what I am thinking. And then I try to figure out what I just analyzed... (please tell me I am not the only one who does this!). And I think I do this because I am a planner. Not just in an organized-person way, but rather I was paid to plan a conference, to plan wishes, to plan training sessions. And I've trained myself to think this way. And now I find, that these days, I need a plan. If I am going to do this and this, then how? And when? And why? And I kinda drive myself crazy with needing to know ALL the time. And I do it because I want to be prepared. I want to be ready. I want to rely.... on myself. And as I rounded the rain-covered streets last night, I began to wonder: maybe I am not meant to have this much of a plan?

This past year since I left California has kinda been a crazy ride. I keep coming up with a plan, and then it kinda falls apart. And I won't lie: it's been annoying! I would think, "God, I don't get it! What am I doing so wrong that nothing is working?" So I would go to the next plan. And then it wouldn't work... And it's kinda dawning on me, perhaps God is trying to teach me to let go of my plans and just trust in Him. Didn't He say in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you... They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" (NLT). I heard John Bevere say last week, if His plans for us are at 100%, then we can either trust them or mess them up...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to never have vision for your life. Vision and plans are very different things. I heard Pastor Charles Nieman say, "Vision has pulling power." It will call to you and you will passionately want to pursue it as God gives you direction. But man-made plans, normally driven by selfish ambition, I find those seem to burn up or fail every single time. Proverbs 19:23 in the Message version of the Bible states, "We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails."

And that's when it hit me: I'm just brainstorming. I'm praying, but I am thinking more than I am praying. I've had to just sit back and say, "God, I'll do whatever. Wherever You want me to go, whatever You want me to do, I'll do it." Because again, if His plans are 100%, why should I push my agenda?

Anyway, I am no theologian, but these are just some thoughts that hit me as I drove the dark, rainy streets of Phoenix last night. It occurred to me that I had my plans for nice tanning-filled afternoon yesterday that got changed up by the rain. But the rain was a refreshing treat, a delightful change of plan.... You know, I am learning new things everyday and sometimes it's painful. But in the end, I am always thankful for the rain.