Courage

Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point ~ C. S. Lewis

My grandpa has Alzheimer's Disease. When I saw him last Christmas, he was starting to be forgetful of things at times, like where the bedroom was or when we were going to leave for my Aunt's again, but he still knew us - his family. I'll always remember when I said good-bye to him when I was leaving to fly back to Phoenix. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and told me to please visit him more often. I knew, when I said good-bye, I would see him again; however, I also knew he would never be the same man.

Well it's Christmas time again, I am back in Canada and last night I went to visit my grandparents. I rang the doorbell, shivering in the frigidly cold temperature, planning to stay for an hour or so on my way to pick up my mum from work. I started stomping my feet to stay warm and tucked my mouth under my scarf when finally the door opened and there stood my Grandpa T looking the exact same as he did last year, except with a confused look on his face. "Can I help you?" he asked. I was expecting this.... "Grandpa, it's me - Tammy." He still looked confused as my Grandma rushed over to hug me. "It's Judy's daughter" she told my Grandpa. "Oh Judy, right right...." he said. But I knew he no longer knew who I was.

Over the next 90 minutes, my Grandma served me homemade ginger snaps and tea and we caught up on life...... all while my Grandpa roamed throughout the house opening up every door, cupboard, and closet. He was looking for something, but didn't know what. He made sure every light switch was working and kept telling me that my Uncle (his former son-in-law who had been there when I arrived) was an old-school mate. He kept interrupting my Grandma and I to ask questions about instances that had happened years ago but he thought were yesterday. And I honestly didn't know whether to cry or laugh. One extreme emotion was needed.... but I really couldn't figure out which one. As I left to go, and struggling to put on boots and mitts and a scarf, I wondered if I should simply hug my Grandpa goodbye; I didn't want to scare him. I was a stranger to him now.

I drove away in silence. I kept thinking about this man who has lived 82 years of his life and it's slowly being robbed from him. It couldn't help but remind me again how short life really is.... And how much we waste it away with worry or insecurity or planning so much we forget to live it.

Like most, I'm not the greatest at being brave. I mean I've moved a lot and met lots of amazing people and have experienced a lot of cool things most people won't get the chance to.... But honestly, most of the decisions I've made is because I didn't have the courage to wait through the trial I was in. And so I was all about just starting over again. It seemed easiest.

I really love the above quote from C.S. Lewis (I really love most anything by C.S. Lewis frankly): Courage is the form of every virtue at the testing point. And when it comes down to it, we all will have testing points. I will and do have testing points. But that's when it comes back down again to faith. Do I have the courage to take action off of what I know? And what I know is what I trust. So there it comes back to that question again: am I trusting?

I've been reading the Psalms a lot lately. If anyone experienced testing points, it was King David. Sometimes his psalms are agonizing laments but he always turns back to words like "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken" (Psalms 62: 5-6 NLT).

Honestly, most of the stuff I write is me working through what I am dealing with, but I want to encourage you today to be courageous. God has given us this life. It is short and fleeting but it is full of the possibilities that He wants you to bring to this world. So "be strong and very courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9 NLT).