The Unwanted Limo Ride

It was my sister’s 14th birthday in Belleville, Ontario and despite the gray skies and the choppy waters on the Bay of Quinte, we woke up in anticipation. For once, I had forgo my selfish “I-wish-I-was-getting-presents-too” attitude and was excited for her. For whatever reason, 14 had been the year Tara had been looking forward to the most and it was finally here!

We had even got ready for school on time and were waiting for my Mom to take us to the bus stop but she was slow moving with a smile on her face. A glance out the window finally revealed why the smile was there – a long, gray stretch limo was pulling into the drive. My sweet Grandpa had decided to use the family-business limo to pick up my sister and escort her to school in style on her birthday. My Mom turned to Tara and I with a big grin, but instead of being elated, or happy, we both began to whine. “Why did Grandpa do that??? We don’t want to ride in the limo!” To my sister and I, the limo stood out, it was showy and we didn’t want to be noticed. We wanted to be “cool” and fit in with everyone else. Even though it was Tara’s special day, we wanted to ride in the red Ford mini-van parked in the drive way.

My Mom was clearly disappointed with our attitudes and said, “Well it’s too late now. This means a lot to your Grandpa. He wanted to do this for Tara.” We glanced out the window again, and there was my Grandpa, dressed up in a suit, a smile on his face, and even a chauffeur cap in his hands. With a huff we grabbed our backpacks and walked out the door. We tried to act happy but my Grandpa’s smiling face went to a confused expression due to our lack of excitement. He opened the door with a flourish and Tara and I hopped in with backward glances at our mom. We were sooooo embarrassed to drive through town in this limo.

My Grandpa was a big tease and tried to crack jokes with us the whole way. I don’t really remember us saying too much during the 15-minute drive to our school. When we pulled into the school, we were a bit late so the grounds had cleared as everyone was inside but we could see faces pressed up against the windows as people looked in awe at the large limo in the roundabout. My sister and I thanked Grandpa and rushed inside as well. The moment we stepped into our classroom (Grand 7 & 8 were in the same room at our small school) kids rushed up to us. “Wow! I’ve always wanted to ride in a limo! That’s so cool.” Tara and I smiled and nodded still embarrassed as we sat down in our seats. We didn’t see the grand and wonderful gesture my Grandpa was trying to make. Instead we were focused on our pride.

I never rode in a limo again until my Grandpa’s funeral last year. Then it was an honor as my family huddled together with hugs and holding hands as we remembered and loved this man who was always playful, enjoyed a good joke, and tried to make us laugh whenever he could. I just thought of all of this today as I realized how much I still let my pride and insecurities dictate my mood in various situations. What a way to miss out on what God is trying to offer us because of our fears. I just hope when insecurity strikes again I’ll see my Grandpa’s smile under his chauffer’s cap and remember to smile back as I embrace what’s in front of me.

In the Silence

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." - Psalms 62:5

Understatement of the year: I talk a lot. I would like to blame it on being a Kerychuk thing but it's not; it's a Tammy thing. Silence is uncomfortable to me so I can, and do, fill up lulls in a conversation as I talk about anything and nothing in particular. A latte I had, a coat I saw, the way my hair is doing this little flippy thing lately.... whatever it takes, I can fill the silence.

However, recently I have been experiencing what it is like to just be quiet and still. I can tell you one thing - it opens up my eyes to being much more observent. I notice so many details around me: the curly hair kid skipping across a parking lot and telling his dad that he prefers soccer to baseball; the awkward teenage girl walking down the street with her oversized sunglasses and music playing outloud, no headphones, from her mp3 playing phone; parents on either side of a toddling baby taking its hesitant and slow steps, each parent holding a hand; the wind through the palm trees; the hum of the air conditioner; the rustle of the paper as I turn a page in my book - every detail much more vibrant, and much more clear, because I had been quiet and paying attention.

I was wondering how this plays out in our spiritual lives. As we sit in our silence, and let God speak to our hearts, are our ears and hearts more attentive to what He is saying? Does the silence perhaps take away the dullness to His words our busyness has caused?

In Pslams 62:5, David says "Let all that I am wait quietly before the Lord, for my hope is in Him" (NLT). This verse brings tears to my eyes everytime I read it because it's about complete surrender. It's about trust. It's about obedience. Waiting quietly, patiently and hopefully in His will alone.

I'm not going to lie: I'm still not comfortable with all this quietness but I am very grateful for what He is speaking in the silence.

Courage

Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point ~ C. S. Lewis

My grandpa has Alzheimer's Disease. When I saw him last Christmas, he was starting to be forgetful of things at times, like where the bedroom was or when we were going to leave for my Aunt's again, but he still knew us - his family. I'll always remember when I said good-bye to him when I was leaving to fly back to Phoenix. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and told me to please visit him more often. I knew, when I said good-bye, I would see him again; however, I also knew he would never be the same man.

Well it's Christmas time again, I am back in Canada and last night I went to visit my grandparents. I rang the doorbell, shivering in the frigidly cold temperature, planning to stay for an hour or so on my way to pick up my mum from work. I started stomping my feet to stay warm and tucked my mouth under my scarf when finally the door opened and there stood my Grandpa T looking the exact same as he did last year, except with a confused look on his face. "Can I help you?" he asked. I was expecting this.... "Grandpa, it's me - Tammy." He still looked confused as my Grandma rushed over to hug me. "It's Judy's daughter" she told my Grandpa. "Oh Judy, right right...." he said. But I knew he no longer knew who I was.

Over the next 90 minutes, my Grandma served me homemade ginger snaps and tea and we caught up on life...... all while my Grandpa roamed throughout the house opening up every door, cupboard, and closet. He was looking for something, but didn't know what. He made sure every light switch was working and kept telling me that my Uncle (his former son-in-law who had been there when I arrived) was an old-school mate. He kept interrupting my Grandma and I to ask questions about instances that had happened years ago but he thought were yesterday. And I honestly didn't know whether to cry or laugh. One extreme emotion was needed.... but I really couldn't figure out which one. As I left to go, and struggling to put on boots and mitts and a scarf, I wondered if I should simply hug my Grandpa goodbye; I didn't want to scare him. I was a stranger to him now.

I drove away in silence. I kept thinking about this man who has lived 82 years of his life and it's slowly being robbed from him. It couldn't help but remind me again how short life really is.... And how much we waste it away with worry or insecurity or planning so much we forget to live it.

Like most, I'm not the greatest at being brave. I mean I've moved a lot and met lots of amazing people and have experienced a lot of cool things most people won't get the chance to.... But honestly, most of the decisions I've made is because I didn't have the courage to wait through the trial I was in. And so I was all about just starting over again. It seemed easiest.

I really love the above quote from C.S. Lewis (I really love most anything by C.S. Lewis frankly): Courage is the form of every virtue at the testing point. And when it comes down to it, we all will have testing points. I will and do have testing points. But that's when it comes back down again to faith. Do I have the courage to take action off of what I know? And what I know is what I trust. So there it comes back to that question again: am I trusting?

I've been reading the Psalms a lot lately. If anyone experienced testing points, it was King David. Sometimes his psalms are agonizing laments but he always turns back to words like "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken" (Psalms 62: 5-6 NLT).

Honestly, most of the stuff I write is me working through what I am dealing with, but I want to encourage you today to be courageous. God has given us this life. It is short and fleeting but it is full of the possibilities that He wants you to bring to this world. So "be strong and very courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9 NLT).

Trust

“…For I know the One in Whom I trust, and I am sure that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until the day of His return” ~ 2 Timothy 1:12 (NLT)


There are a few things I do pretty well: hug, laugh, smile easily, get excited over the small stuff, pick great restaurants, and apply lip-gloss…. But trusting, well trust I don’t do so well with. Never have. I could start to psychoanalyze myself to figure out why I have had this issue with trust but when it comes down to it, it really doesn’t matter why I do. I just do. But it is something God has been working on with me lately. And the realizations of it all have been quite healing.

I think, most of the time, our problems with trust come from looking at ourselves, looking at our friends and families, and looking at random others for our assurance. As Christians, I believe we look to God as well; however, if there still remains an issue with trust then I don’t believe our hearts are looking to Him first. Here’s why:

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in His love. God is love, and all who live in love, live in God, and God lives in them…. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love” ~ 1 John 4:16, 18 (NLT)

I believe the Holy Spirit enables us to love. And because of this, I believe the Holy Spirit enables us to trust. And to trust in a God that is able to perfect and guard that which I have entrusted to Him. So I am learning that if I am not trusting in God, then I do not understand His love.

Last night I was thinking about the great patriarchs of old: Abraham and Moses and Joshua. Ladies of faith such as Ruth and Elisabeth and Mary. All of these people knew Whom they had trust in. Such trust that they were willing to make sacrifices and hold on with patient endurance for the promises they had received. They faced harsh circumstances and struggles but still they did not let go of hope (Hebrews 11). I was thinking about how much the Father must have loved them, that despite their weaknesses and flaws, they had faith in the Promiser. And then I thought of Jesus Christ, Who lived His life on earth on a journey knowing He was going to be killed and brutally so. Perfect trust in His Father. Perfect love which casts out all fear. And then I began to tear up as I realized this same Father who loved all these extraordinary men and women loved me just the same. They were no different then me. They just knew the great love of Whom they believed.

Trust comes because of love. I don’t think you can separate the two. And that’s why 2 Timothy 1:12 has been a scripture etched on my heart lately. It doesn’t matter anymore what I’ll become, or what ministry God has called me into, or who I’ll marry, or when I’ll have kids, or where I’ll live. What matters is that I trust God because I know He loves me. Simple and assured and life-changing love. And that is what I trust. And I know the things I entrust to Him, He will shape and nurture and grow. That despite what I see, hear or feel, my trust remains in the One who loves me most.

God sure has been breaking down a lot of walls in my life lately as He replaces it with His truth. And I’m not going to lie, friends: it’s been difficult at times. But as I was talking with a friend yesterday she said she’s asked the Lord to strip things out of her life, even if it causes pain. I’m so thankful and grateful to be learning these lessons as He prepares me for the road ahead. And because I’ve what I’ve been going through, I realize it must be some journey.

I kind of write about whatever I might be going through at the moment, even if it exposes the weaknesses I face. But I find that friends of mine seem to be going through similar experiences at the same time, so perhaps the Lord is bringing us together at this time to refine each other. All that to say, I love you all and my prayer for you today is simply this:

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit” ~ Romans 15:13 (NLT)

Simple Comfort

It was just 3 simple words in a text but it totally made my day.

Last night I had a wish emergency that I was trying to handle. As I sat making call after call, and looking up information on oxygen on my laptop, I honestly felt quite, well, helpless. And it somewhat carried over this morning as two more wish issues came up that left my boss and I contemplating coffee (for me) or chips (for him) or chocolate (for both) simply for solace. Nothing too major, but yet it still seemed kinda wearing...

4:26 PM and my phones bings with a text message. Expecting it to be one of my BFFs I was surprised to see it was a message from my dad. Surprised mostly because my dad has sent me maybe 5 texts ever, but also because I knew he was about to fly out to Burma. And all it said was 3 simple words:

Love you. Dad

I smiled because my dad still doesn't know you don't have to sign your name to a text. And then I slightly teared up because I really just miss my dad. And I knew he was sending me this little text because Burma isn't the safest place in the world for a missionary to visit and it was his "in case anything happens" text. And frankly, it was so small, but it brought that bit of comfort my afternoon needed.

Suddenly, I thought of Romans 8:32 (NLT), "Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?" It was just such a simple but sweet reminder that I have another Father who sees all, knows all, and brings me constant comfort simply by who He is... And truly, while my dad's text made my day, that thought is my life.

Peace and love everyone. Good night.

Life in the Spirit

I think I've wrote this piece 14 times. And then deleted it 14 times. I am a deep-thinker, an over-thinker quite frankly, but definitely not a theologian. How does one say "I am going to take on Romans 8" when they don't have at least 7 degrees behind their name? So I kept pushing it aside but then this one verse kept haunting me:

So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Holy Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace ~ Romans 8:6 NLT

I hate to admit it, but I can tell you I have been on both sides of this verse. I don't know about you but there are times when I was through waiting on God and I'd try to take control. To take care of me by me and through me and me alone. I honestly thought it was the "path of least resistance." And for about 8 weeks exactly, it was. But then things got rough fast. I can tell you it became a truly painful lesson to learn. But God is merciful and, very much learning the hard way, He showed me having patience, waiting and trusting on Him brings me so much more than I could ever produce on my own.

Thankfully, I am now on the flip side of that verse. I've never known more peace in my life. I rest in it. Things still aren't sorted out in my life. I'm still learning. But above all, I see His faithfulness every where I look. Faithful has got to be the most treasured word in my vocabulary.

So as a girl who has seen both sides of the fence, it breaks my heart to still see so many who are trying to make it on their own. And it's led me to wonder why do we feed our flesh when it's our spirits that are eternal?

My dad and I were talking about this the other day. We live in the most blessed nation in the world. Truly, anything we want is attainable. And so we strive and strive to attain the closest stance we can to a perfect life on this earth. But yet, we stay surfacey in our spiritual walk. Does the line at the "He-Brews" church coffee shop gets more of our time than our devotional? I won't lie. I've totally fallen into that category many times myself. I had made my spiritual life, well, comfortable.

Think about it: how many people who knew they had a week left would say my last request is to finally take that missions trip to the Amazon, to set up funds for that orphanage in Cambodia, or to spend quality time with those neighbors next to me who are planning on divorce? And forget even having a week to live, with all the time in the world, would we even want to do that right now?

Perhaps we don't want to get too "spiritual." Certain standards seem to bring up all the connotations of rules and laws one must follow as a Christian. Because we live in an independent society, do we not want to be "locked down"? But yet doesn't the Bible say, "..Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom)" (2 Corinthians 3:17 Amplified)?

I'm not sure why we think it is easier to live life with our own set of rules. But what I do know, life will always be hard; that I promise you. And while a lot of times it's hard to be patient, and while we learn tremendous lessons in trust daily, literally making the decision to focus our hearts and minds on the Spirit, on the eternal side of life, will bring all the hope we need.

Honestly, this is just my first thoughts on all of this... I still have ideas to explore; however, I just wanted to say to any of you who may have taken the time to read this, my hope and prayer is that you are knowing abundant life and joy today.

Peace and love everyone...

....By the Content of Their Character

Side note: I started writing this piece a few weeks ago... and then did something I've never done before: put it aside. I normally don't do that. I post immediately then read back again later and think "oh man, I can't believe I posted that!" And with slight humiliation I mentally re-write although I do leave the piece as is. But this time I pushed my writings to the side, came back to it a few days later, and then pushed it aside again. Quite honestly, I'm not even sure why expect perhaps I felt (or knew) I wasn't doing justice to the content of it. But today, as I realized it was the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s infamous "I Have a Dream" speech, only one line came to me:

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

And character is what this piece is all about... So here it is: somewhat disheveled, a little incoherent, and needing grammar touch-ups. But still something that has been on my heart lately.


I would like to think I have the foundational principles of life down... You know, the things we were taught and memorized way back in Sunday School days (for those who had the pleasure to attend). Basic principles that were outlined with felt story boards, Gospel Bill videos, and even rewarded with Buddy Barrel pins. And frankly, as a "mature" Christian, I should be growing and expounding on what I already know....

Sure.

But lately I find God bringing me through the basic principles of life all over again. Maybe I needed a reminder. Maybe I was slacking. Or maybe, because life is built off of these basics, I just needed a nudge to keep that foundation secure. Nevertheless, I have learned a lot this past year, a lot a lot, and yet more keeps popping up.... like the very latest: character.

There are two chapters in the Bible I've been reading a lot lately: Romans 8 and Ruth 2. I'll come back to Romans 8 at some later date and time, but what I do want to concentrate on today in Ruth 2.

Now Ruth 2 is not the most profound chapter in the Bible, but it has stood out to me recently. Just to refresh, it's about when a poor widow, down on her luck, who meets a "worthy man" named Boaz (v.1). She is poor, picking up wheat left behind by the reapers in his field, and Boaz notices her. He turns to his crop manager and says (Tammy paraphrased), "Who is this woman?" The crop manager replies, "She is a poor widow who just came into town with her mother-in-law Naomi who is also widowed. She needed food and asked if she could pick wheat here." (v. 6-7)

So Boaz, who is already impressed with Ruth, goes to her and says, "Stay here and pick wheat in my field. You will be safe here."

Ruth looks back at him and states, "Why are you treating me so well?!" (v. 10). And Boaz replies, "All that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband has been fully told to me.... The Lord repay you for what you've done." (v. 11-12)

So Ruth runs home to tell Naomi and Naomi says, "Blessed be the [worthy] man who took notice of you." (v. 19)

After reading this scripture, that's when it once again hit me: we're being watched. Our character, our actions, our decisions are all being watched. By friends, by family, by significant others, by co-workers, by the cash register dude at Starbucks.... We're being watched. And not in a stalker-ish type way, but rather people notice character. They hear or see things that stand out and speak volumes of who we are, what we believe, and what we really serve.

Another example of this is in Genesis 24 when Abraham sends out his servant to find a wife for Isaac. And this servant isn't sure who to pick so he asks God for a few signs: he's by a spring of water so he wants to ask the girls for a drink, and he'll know if she's the one because she'll say, "Drink and I will also water your camels." (v. 14)

So he waits literally a minute when Rebekah comes up and he asks for water. She quickly gives him a drink and then says, "I will draw water for your camels too." (v. 19) She quickly does that and next thing you know, the servant is putting gold jewelery on her (Hello!!) and tells her he wants her to marry his rich master's son. Not a bad day for Rebekah!

But see, in all seriousness, her character was noticed, and she was rewarded for that.

Ruth's character was noticed and, in return, she birthed Obed who became the Grandfather of King David and that line continues down to Jesus Christ.

So all of this to say: don't deny it - We're being watched. And that's not to scare you but rather encourage you that your character counts. And you will see results based on your character.

This is an understatement, but I HEART the Phoenix Suns! And I was a huge fan of the '93 team who went to the championships. Quite honestly, mostly because I was in love with Dan Majerle and his 3-point shot (I know, I'm a dork!) but that was also the year Charles Barkley came to town and how can one not love Chuck? Charles had a Nike commercial out that year in which he said, "I am not a role model." Basically his whole premise was that athletes shouldn't be role models but instead rather teachers, parents, etc. People kinda got on his case saying, "Like it or not, you are a role model Chuck!" I really understand what Charles was saying; however, in some way, shape or form, we all are really role models to someone. I believe there is such a deep stirring in this hurting world to see honesty, truth, and integrity in our fellow man. I don't believe Christianity should be a life based around religious "rules" but I do think we are responsible to have a character that bears witness to the ultimate Truth in Jesus Christ. People are looking for truth...and the only truth is Him.

And the best part of all this is not only does everyday people see your character, but God does too. And He is the one whose attention we need most of all.

Again, I know this is such a foundational principle, and I'm not trying to give anyone a slap on the hand, but I just think sometimes those basic principles can be easily forgotten after all. I know I certainly needed a good reminder.... I always seem to learn the hard way! Honestly, I really would rather watch Gospel Bill again then God show me through life lessons! :) But I can tell you this, those foundational principles we learn are daily shaping us into the men and women God is calling us and needing us to be.... And for that reason, character counts.

PS I really liked those felt story boards back in the day.... :)