Get Out There! They're Waiting!

Wow, I haven’t blogged in forever! (Well, for me anyway!) So much has happened this past month; it’s been insane, but in a crazy good way! Like I got a job! A real, actual, honest-to-goodness, pay-you-for-the-hours-you-put-in job! And I’m very happy with it! After months of not having a job, job searching, facing fear factor everytime I viewed my bank statement, and praying and trusting with all my might, I actually got 2 jobs offers in 2 days a few weeks ago. That was hard; trying to pick which was the right one. BUT I did finally pick one and feel great about it! I’m working nonprofit still, helping support families going through cancer at The Wellness Community. I am planning their events and working with the volunteers and let me tell you, I’m learning so much about ministry through this job. Working at Make-A-Wish was a wonderful experience; one I greatly miss. We were working with children facing life-threatening medical conditions, but we weren’t focusing on their conditions, but rather focusing on their dream, their wish. And as a girl who has her heart and head in the clouds most of the time, I really felt connected to these kids and their dreams. I loved focusing on making that happen for them; but truthfully, I would try to let it frost over the serious medical conditions they were facing. That was too painful to think about.

But wow, at The Wellness Community, that isn’t an option. Our goal is to help support cancer patients and their families through emotional aid, group support, and classes on nutrition, exercise, and relaxation. We are helping them walk through this tough stage on their road to recovery. We are hitting exactly what they are dealing with head-on. And I’ve found it’s opening my eyes in truly how to hold someone’s hand and try to help give them hope. It’s a wonderfully scary opportunity. But one I know I’ve been given for a reason. And I shall try my hardest to offer my own simple life in any way I can just so they can have hope.

And all of this to bring up a topic that I’ve been wanting to blog about for weeks: servanthood. It’s funny cause I remember around 7 or 8 years ago being so caught up and worried about me and my problems ALL the time. I rarely was truly happy because I was always looking at the lack of perfection in my life, whether it be big or small. And I would whine, sigh and complain that things weren’t working out the way I wanted them to... Yeah, I guess I had that "whoa-is-me" syndrome going on. But then I met a friend who challenged me to reach out. "What have you done today to serve Tammy?" he would ask me. And frankly, I would get annoyed at him. Sure, there were other people hurting, and I did feel bad for them, but... what about me??? Didn’t God want to heal all my problems to? Why weren’t people reaching out to me too??

Anyway, he would bug me so much about it, and really stretching my thought pattern, that finally I was like "Okay, okay. I’ll help out somewhere." "Great!" he said with a gigantic smile. "Come do Adopt-A-Block with me this weekend."

Now, for those of you who aren’t Phoenix First Assembliers, allow me to explain: Adopt-A-Block is a chance to reach out to a down-and-out community. Basically we would go into neighboorhoods that were a little run down, a little beat up, and just offer whatever service they might need. Did they need their house painted? Done. Did they need their lawn mowed? We’ll get right on it. Did they need any food or clothing? Great, we have some right here to offer you. The whole ministry was just reaching out practically to a neighborhood in hopes they’d take on the passion for their community as well.

Now, I’m not necessarily a WASP; however, I still remember showing up at church that first Saturday I went out on Adopt-A-Block. Everyone was in sweats, or track pants, and here I walked in wearing jeans, a super cute shirt I had found, big earrings... looking totally out of place. And I was nervous, super nervous! But I wanted to prove to my friend that I could "reach out."

It was nearing Christmas, so our only real goal that week was to pass out flyers and invite everyone to our church the next day where we’d be handing out gifts to kids and food for their parents. So we headed down to the Sunnyslope area to pass out these flyers. We were passing homes where 20 people lived in 2 rooms, where the shared electricity from house to house via extension cords, and they were honestly some of the nicest folks ever. Now we were in a predominately Hispanic area and my Spanish speaking skills back then were horrible. And frankly, even after 3 semesters of Spanish in college, they are not much better now! But here we are going door to door, trying to invite people, and there is this language barrier. I did not want to just smile, hand them a flyer and walk away. So I tried to improvise. We climbed up the stairs to this apartment and walked down the rickity hall to a door, knocked, and a beautiful young lady opened the door. "Do you speak English?" I asked. She shook her head "no." Disheartened, I didn’t give up. "Los ninos?" I asked, using hand motions to help my words along. She nodded "yes." I handed her the flyer and kept speaking, "Blanco autobuso.... on Vogel Avenue.... manana." In my butchered-up way, I was tyring to tell her to catch the white bus to church tomorrow. She laughed and nodded. I smiled. And a mutual acceptance was passed between our eyes. Even though I knew I hadn’t been the most effective, she caught what I was saying. And I silently prayed her family would make it to church the next day so her kids would get gifts. So her family would have food. And suddenly, I caught it. As we later drove back to the church, tears formed in my eyes as I realized there were much greater problems than mine in the world. And helping them seemed more important than worrying about the simple issues I was facing.

When we got back to the church my friend smiled at me and asked, "What did you think?" Even though I hated to admit he was right, I honestly said, "I loved it."

And since that day, servanthood has become the single most important part of my life. And I challenge it to be one of yours too. I don’t say it in a "aren’t I great?" kind-of-a-way, but rather this is something Jesus called ALL of us to do. It is a continuation of what He came to do: "even as the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many" (Matt. 20:28 ESV). And we all know we ought to be imitators of Christ: "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no man than this, that someone lays down his life for his friend." (John 15:12-13 ESV). And I promise, promise, promise you, what a HUGE difference you’ll see in your own life when you start serving. When I give, God gives back to me in return. (Remember, "Give and it shall be given unto you!"). Truly, when we serve, we get the double-blessing.

My life is richer, fuller, and happier because I have served. Whenever I notice myself focusing on me again, and I start feeling sorry for myself, that’s my own cue that I’m not reaching out enough.

We always hear those quotes like "Be the change you want to see" and we agree with them but then quickly forget. I encourage you, and actually as a sister in Christ need you to reach out to others. It’s not for me, it’s for all of us. It’s for a world that is desperate to know someone cares. Let your heart be filled with compassion and see your life having a value and meaning you didn’t even know exsisted.

Alright, I know I’m being pushy, but I’m a girl who was pushed into it herself. My friend didn’t give up on me, and I won’t give up on you. Again, I’ve just been wanting to share my simple thoughts on this for months and never could find the right words to say. Perhaps I didn’t do it justice tonight either. But all I ask of you is to forget your token "do-good" deeds, reach in, get a little uncomfortable, and help bring hope to someone. Just do it! They’re waiting for someone. Let that someone be you.

Only One Thought Away....

I'll absolutely preface this blog entry by saying I'm going to be a little personal here.... I really apologize if it makes anyone uncomfortable, but I do feel like this blog needs to be written.... and perhaps just even for my sake.... C'est la vie.

Most of you know a bit of my history: I'm literally almost half the girl I used to be. Many years ago, I weighed close to 90lbs more than I am now. I was pretty much always heavy growing up. At first, when really little, my mom and dad thought I was going to be a superstar athlete with my muscle tone; instead I became the funny, heavy girl with "pretty face." I had great parents who loved me unconditionally and supported me a million percent. They believed in me like no other. And I was never hurt or abused or mistreated by anyone. I did, however, get my fair share of comments, barbs, and jokes thrown my direction because of my weight. And, while as a grown-up I can dismiss them, as a little girl, a very sensitive little girl, I took them on pretty deep. I grew up believing, that while my family loved me, and God loved me, I obviously wasn't worthy of anyone else's love... and all because of the way I looked.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to play here that "feel sorry for what I went through" card because I have lived a blessed life. That I know very well. But I do want to talk about the thought process I was under. Somehow, I let little comments, little thoughts, play on my insecurities while growing up..... and to this day, despite the fact that I am almost 30 (AKA a real grown up), they still haunt me at times. Overall, I think I do pretty good with self-image. The whole "I may not be where I want to be, but at least I'm not where I was" is kinda my mindset. But sometimes those insecurities and belief of unworthiness rear their ugly heads.

I know I now get my fair share of male attention. I'm not blind to the fact that random men at Starbucks or Target will smile, stare, and come up with the dumbest excuses (and lines) to say hi to me. I'll nod and be polite and try to say something simple back, and sometimes I've taken it as false validation of my worth if I am having a bad day, but normally I just get frustrated. Frustrated because I know 6 years ago, they wouldn't have said a word to me, or glanced my way, or if they did, it would have been with a smirk. And, back then, it just silently confirmed to me, that despite great qualities I might have as a person, I just wasn't enough.

But see, one thing I get now is that I used those verbal and nonverbal cues to reinforce a belief, a stronghold in my life, that just wasn't true. I was believing a lie, and I was letting myself feed it (pardon the pun!) by what I thought other people were thinking. I hid by what I thought, I reacted by what I thought, and I believed off of what I thought. I was blaming everyone around me and their actions for my feeling insecure. But the truth is, it was me... I was believing the lie.

The Bible talks about being "transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideas and its new attitudes]" (Romans 12:2 AMP). It takes effort, our effort, to change our thought patterns. I heard evangelist Christine Caine say this past week, "We are only one thought away from going back to the way we used to think." That really hit me when she said that: "wow, that's probably really true!" And yup, it is! I experienced it today. I had a friend ask me last night about some of the stuff I went through last year when my boyfriend and I broke up. At the time, some decisions he made, in turn, made me go back to believeing the "I'm not worthy of someone's love" lie. Since then, God's has healed me from the pain and helped me to move on... but, when rehashing some of those old emotions with my friend, I found that thought hit my mind again, "Will I ever be worthy?"... and, this morning, I found myself crying over it all... Let me clarify that, NOT crying over the ex-boyfriend, BUT rather crying over the lie. One line, one thought, and suddenly I felt like I did 6 years ago.

But see, the Bible also says, take "every thought into captivity" (2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJV) .... and, this time, I did. This time, I spoke the truth about who God says I am (Psalm 139:14). I called that same friend who I talked to last night and said "Okay, I know I'm working myself up over something that isn't true" and she said, "Yes you are!" It was like a good slap in the face so I wouldn't sink into the lie any deeper. And it worked.

I'm a feeler for real! I definitely live off of my emotions, so I've had to learn to base truth and lies off of what emotion it invokes. See, when we believe lies the Devil throws our way, it causes fear, insecurity and distrust. Our action is to pull back, to curl up in a ball, and to live in chains. But when we believe the truth (which is only from above, Jesus is the truth -John 14:6), we have peace and trust. Our actions off of the truth allows us to walk in that peace. Despite the fact that I might feel insecure, or unworthy, there is no truth in that. Those emotions only come off of a lie; therefore, I know it's time to once more renew my mind to the pulling down of strongholds.

You know, I still don't have it down perfectly. I still look in the mirror and want to go straight to pointing out my imperfections. Sometimes I think "if I can reach that ideal body image" then, maybe just then, the lies will go away. But the truth is they won't. It's all about me, what I'm believing, what I am accepting about myself right now. It is my choice whether I will accept that lie or not.

It's kinda funny to wake up one morning and think that while all the time you've been blaming the world, perhaps it was you all along. When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter anymore why I thought the way I did, or how it affected my life. Rather, it's all about action I can, and do, take now. And I can honestly say, I have come to know for certain that "the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32 NKJV). I'm on a quest to walk in the liberty Jesus died to give me.

Anyway, just some thoughts from TammyLee. Peace and love.