Courage

Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point ~ C. S. Lewis

My grandpa has Alzheimer's Disease. When I saw him last Christmas, he was starting to be forgetful of things at times, like where the bedroom was or when we were going to leave for my Aunt's again, but he still knew us - his family. I'll always remember when I said good-bye to him when I was leaving to fly back to Phoenix. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and told me to please visit him more often. I knew, when I said good-bye, I would see him again; however, I also knew he would never be the same man.

Well it's Christmas time again, I am back in Canada and last night I went to visit my grandparents. I rang the doorbell, shivering in the frigidly cold temperature, planning to stay for an hour or so on my way to pick up my mum from work. I started stomping my feet to stay warm and tucked my mouth under my scarf when finally the door opened and there stood my Grandpa T looking the exact same as he did last year, except with a confused look on his face. "Can I help you?" he asked. I was expecting this.... "Grandpa, it's me - Tammy." He still looked confused as my Grandma rushed over to hug me. "It's Judy's daughter" she told my Grandpa. "Oh Judy, right right...." he said. But I knew he no longer knew who I was.

Over the next 90 minutes, my Grandma served me homemade ginger snaps and tea and we caught up on life...... all while my Grandpa roamed throughout the house opening up every door, cupboard, and closet. He was looking for something, but didn't know what. He made sure every light switch was working and kept telling me that my Uncle (his former son-in-law who had been there when I arrived) was an old-school mate. He kept interrupting my Grandma and I to ask questions about instances that had happened years ago but he thought were yesterday. And I honestly didn't know whether to cry or laugh. One extreme emotion was needed.... but I really couldn't figure out which one. As I left to go, and struggling to put on boots and mitts and a scarf, I wondered if I should simply hug my Grandpa goodbye; I didn't want to scare him. I was a stranger to him now.

I drove away in silence. I kept thinking about this man who has lived 82 years of his life and it's slowly being robbed from him. It couldn't help but remind me again how short life really is.... And how much we waste it away with worry or insecurity or planning so much we forget to live it.

Like most, I'm not the greatest at being brave. I mean I've moved a lot and met lots of amazing people and have experienced a lot of cool things most people won't get the chance to.... But honestly, most of the decisions I've made is because I didn't have the courage to wait through the trial I was in. And so I was all about just starting over again. It seemed easiest.

I really love the above quote from C.S. Lewis (I really love most anything by C.S. Lewis frankly): Courage is the form of every virtue at the testing point. And when it comes down to it, we all will have testing points. I will and do have testing points. But that's when it comes back down again to faith. Do I have the courage to take action off of what I know? And what I know is what I trust. So there it comes back to that question again: am I trusting?

I've been reading the Psalms a lot lately. If anyone experienced testing points, it was King David. Sometimes his psalms are agonizing laments but he always turns back to words like "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken" (Psalms 62: 5-6 NLT).

Honestly, most of the stuff I write is me working through what I am dealing with, but I want to encourage you today to be courageous. God has given us this life. It is short and fleeting but it is full of the possibilities that He wants you to bring to this world. So "be strong and very courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9 NLT).

Trust

“…For I know the One in Whom I trust, and I am sure that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until the day of His return” ~ 2 Timothy 1:12 (NLT)


There are a few things I do pretty well: hug, laugh, smile easily, get excited over the small stuff, pick great restaurants, and apply lip-gloss…. But trusting, well trust I don’t do so well with. Never have. I could start to psychoanalyze myself to figure out why I have had this issue with trust but when it comes down to it, it really doesn’t matter why I do. I just do. But it is something God has been working on with me lately. And the realizations of it all have been quite healing.

I think, most of the time, our problems with trust come from looking at ourselves, looking at our friends and families, and looking at random others for our assurance. As Christians, I believe we look to God as well; however, if there still remains an issue with trust then I don’t believe our hearts are looking to Him first. Here’s why:

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in His love. God is love, and all who live in love, live in God, and God lives in them…. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love” ~ 1 John 4:16, 18 (NLT)

I believe the Holy Spirit enables us to love. And because of this, I believe the Holy Spirit enables us to trust. And to trust in a God that is able to perfect and guard that which I have entrusted to Him. So I am learning that if I am not trusting in God, then I do not understand His love.

Last night I was thinking about the great patriarchs of old: Abraham and Moses and Joshua. Ladies of faith such as Ruth and Elisabeth and Mary. All of these people knew Whom they had trust in. Such trust that they were willing to make sacrifices and hold on with patient endurance for the promises they had received. They faced harsh circumstances and struggles but still they did not let go of hope (Hebrews 11). I was thinking about how much the Father must have loved them, that despite their weaknesses and flaws, they had faith in the Promiser. And then I thought of Jesus Christ, Who lived His life on earth on a journey knowing He was going to be killed and brutally so. Perfect trust in His Father. Perfect love which casts out all fear. And then I began to tear up as I realized this same Father who loved all these extraordinary men and women loved me just the same. They were no different then me. They just knew the great love of Whom they believed.

Trust comes because of love. I don’t think you can separate the two. And that’s why 2 Timothy 1:12 has been a scripture etched on my heart lately. It doesn’t matter anymore what I’ll become, or what ministry God has called me into, or who I’ll marry, or when I’ll have kids, or where I’ll live. What matters is that I trust God because I know He loves me. Simple and assured and life-changing love. And that is what I trust. And I know the things I entrust to Him, He will shape and nurture and grow. That despite what I see, hear or feel, my trust remains in the One who loves me most.

God sure has been breaking down a lot of walls in my life lately as He replaces it with His truth. And I’m not going to lie, friends: it’s been difficult at times. But as I was talking with a friend yesterday she said she’s asked the Lord to strip things out of her life, even if it causes pain. I’m so thankful and grateful to be learning these lessons as He prepares me for the road ahead. And because I’ve what I’ve been going through, I realize it must be some journey.

I kind of write about whatever I might be going through at the moment, even if it exposes the weaknesses I face. But I find that friends of mine seem to be going through similar experiences at the same time, so perhaps the Lord is bringing us together at this time to refine each other. All that to say, I love you all and my prayer for you today is simply this:

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit” ~ Romans 15:13 (NLT)