The Open Window

I don't know why I remember it so vividly but I do. It must have been 17 years ago. My family was driving through a new subdivision in Phoenix looking for a neighborhood we might call home someday. We drove slowly noticing sizes and design. I was half-heartedly looking as my nose was in its usual spot: buried in some book. But I glanced up. It was dusk, my favorite time of the day, and there were purple shadows being cast on the street. The lights were on in the homes, and that's when I saw the simpe scene: a mother was walking into the brightly lit dining room of her home. She was carrying a lasagna or casserole of some sort with pot holders in hand. Her family, a husband and some kids, were already sitting at the set table and watching her present the dish that she probably just pulled from the oven. It was like a scene from the Stepford Wives. Dotting wife and mother serving a hot meal to her family who were coming together after a busy day of work, school, football practice and music lessons. "I'm sure they have a lovely home," I thought.

Such a simple scene and yet I never forgot it. Every once in awhile it will play in my head. I was reminded of it tonight here in Thailand. I'm playing mom right now. I am watching (with the "help" of my dad) 5 kids here in Thailand. Their mom, who has been a friend of the family since I was a little girl, went on a missions trip to Africa. My dad and I offered to watch her children for her while she is away. The world of a carefree single girl turned quickly as now I am taking kids to soccer, breaking up fights, making 3 square meals a day, cooking the best I know how (cereal anyone?), reading chapters before bed, and hoping these kids fall asleep feeling peaceful and loved. So tonight I shuffled the kids into the living room to watch a movie and I began to clean up the dinner dishes. There is no dishwasher in this house so guess who became one?! I was into my routine of rinsing soapy dishes when I glanced out the shutters across to the neighbor's house. It was dark outside, pouring rain actually, but the light inside the neighbor's home shined like a warm glow. It looked like a nice home: beautiful wall hangings, plush furniture, great wooden floors. I was overlooking the dining room where one daughter was busy putting together some science experiment while her mom watched her, sometimes helped, and they chatted. I kept my eye on them through the banana tree leaves as I continued washing. Another daughter showed up, hair in ponytail, somewhat wet from the rain, and in muddy soccer clothes. She must have just got home from a practice. They all talked a bit more then pushed the science experiment out of the way. Their dad joined them as they sat down bowls of soup, probably noddle soup with chicken or beef that everyone eats here, and kept talking. The whole scene reminded me of the one I saw many years ago. It just looked warm. It looked inviting. It looked like home.

As we all know, a home is so much more than a house. It's a sanctuary. A place to set aside the troubles of the world and be with those who love you unconditionally. You feel protected. Safe. Well, that's the ideal anyway. I realize that in this day and age the concept of home is very fluid. Sadly, the scene I saw played out tonight is that "Leave It to Beaver" feel that so many people would like but few actually have. And that made me sad. People should have a harbor where they are sheltered. I think of the little kids I saw begging in the street in Bangkok who probably share a bit of space with 20 other folks in a bug-infested room. The Karen kids from the IDP (internally displaced people) camps hiding in Burma who never know when the genocide declared against them could make them move again in the middle of the night in fear for their lives. The orphaned kids in Uganda who were kidnapped from the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army), brutally treated, and are now trying to sleep with flashes of horror they endured in their minds.

I love visiting my mom's parents in Canada. Their house aways feels peaceful to me. The minute I step a foot in, I feel like I am at home. Everything about that place makes me feel secure. Loved. Peace. But I feel the same way about my church in Phoenix. I feel the same way about my parents. I felt the same way about the man I was in love with. I know that because home is a very fluid concept, home is so much more than a house. It is the people, the community, the love that is spread from one person to the next.

We all need to love more. Maybe I'm tired, maybe I'm too emotional, maybe I'm too sensitive, and not to sound too much like the Beatles, but I really think there are so many that just need some love in order to be healed from the hurt they feel. I've found that love through my faith in Christ, such healing came through that, and now I've never been more secure in my life. But as I kissed some little heads tonight, with their fears of bad dreams, I realized my soft words and prayers brought them the peace they needed for tonight. Just remember, you could be home to someone. You might not know it, but they do. They might be staring at you through the open window and seeing a warm inviting place they need. So let your light shine and pray all people find home tonight.

TammyLee: Jungle Treker!

Now I have always had an adventuresome spirit about me. I highly disagree with colonization that happened in the past; however, I have pretended what it might be like to be a lady from 19th-century England braving the new worlds of India, Asia, or Amazon territory pushing through jungle brush daintily in bustled dress and a parasol in hand.....

Well back to reality, I know now it would have been incredibly hot, uncomfortable, and probably not the funnest thing ever. However, today I am happy to say I got to experience first hand treking through the jungle! The delicate jungle warrior that I am, I let a big strong man do the hard work: an Indian elephant!!!!

Today we went to a Maesa Elephant Camp, a conservation camp outside of Chiang Mai. Now the land up here is completely green and lush, not tropical, but completely jungle-like. There are mountains and banana trees and teakwood trees and rice fields and rivers and waterfalls. Just divinely beautiful. Years ago, they used to use elephants to help work through this territory, pulling logs, lifting things, etc. But to upkeep an elephant takes a lot of supply: the elephants eat 200 kilos of food a day and 60 gallons of water! So now the elephants are protected in camps. They do cute little shows and paint pictures and are nicely taken care of.

The elephant show was fun. The baby elephant used his trunk to put hats on people. They played soccer. And they painted gorgous flowers on easels. (My dad said, "Sure, they can paint easy flowers, but I would like to see one of them paint a ship!!"). You can also feed them bananas and sugar cane. I fed the baby elephant who took the food from my hands and then handed it to his trainer. Maybe he is too little to eat it???

Now, for the low low price of 1200 baht, one can take an hour elephant ride through the jungle. And my dad and I did just that. I've ridden an elephant before at the Phoenix Zoo. But it was 5 minutes and we rode in a circle inside a corral. Boring. (I think the camel ride was the same too). But today we boarded our huge Indian elephant (I'll call him Charlie) on a wooden platform and immediately began the trek up the densely green mountain. There wasn't a huge path cut out for Charlie. Just a small line that he patiently placed one large foot in front of the other as I ducked tree stems and vines from hitting me. Charlie came very very close to the edge sometimes and it was a long drop down! At one point our guide who was sitting on Charlie's head, jumped off, so he could take a picture of my dad and I, all while yelling to Charlie to keep walking. Now when you are sitting on a 1-ton animal, tightly close to the edge of a mountain, and still climbing higher, somehow that 130 lb man sitting on Charlie's head seems like the best protection in the entire world! We smiled bravely, our guide took some shots, then hopped back on Charlie. Whew!

We got to the top of the mountain and then began our desent down. If you sway with the elephants movements it helps make the ride more comfortable; however, when you are heading downhill, you just want to hang on! I was sliding left and right and bouncing up and down. I learned to brace my back on the seatback and my hand on the rail. That kept me from feeling like I was going to fall out. The view coming downhill was amazing! The waterfall and river running through the jungle was breathtaking.

Once we got to the bottom of the hill, our guide took Charlie into the river where he drank for awhile and then we rambled over the river and through the woods (pun intended) into the hill tribe that surrounds the water. We smiled and waved at the villagers as we wandered back to the camp.

Our hour journey ended all too quickly. I wanted to pet Charlie goodbye but alas, we hopped off and he headed for a well deserved break. I felt good! I just took an elephant trek through the dense jungle, pushed through vines, narrowly avoided falling down the hill, waded through the waterfall, and viewed the homes of the hilltribe. Just like the 19th-century women explorers did. Oh wait, look! Suvioner shops!! Okay, maybe not exactly 19th century... but a woman's got to shop!

This blog is specifically dedicated to one of my bff's, Christina aka Yoyo, because of her love of elephants! She is crazy about them and it hardly seemed right to not have you with me today Yoyo!

We Heart Pang! and other musings....

Guess what? I'm not going to talk about crazy traffic here in Thailand!! However, I am going to share a series of vignettes of my latest experiences in Bangkok each appropriately titled with a line from some random movie... and that's just for fun...

It's just like a dream!
In Pattaya, we went to the Siam Elephant restaurant which I said was probably the most romantic place I've been to. Well, I have to eat my words (pardon the pun) because I think I was wrong. My dad and I got all dolled up one night (although I am sure he won't like me saying he got dolled up) and took the BTS down to the very end of the line which is right by the river. We wandered down to the dock and boarded the Marriott hotel's boat to cross. Now the boat was very quaint: all teak wood, the sloped roof, the skipper's wheel. We sat down and the attendent handed us ice cold towels that smelled like ginger to freshen up with. Then we just sat back and enjoyed the river, the tall buildings, all the other hotel boats covered in little lights as we manuvered down the water. We landed at the Marriott about 15 minutes later, just as it started to pour! I hightailed it to the lobby -didn't want to mess up my hair!!! :) After a quick tour of the hotel, we walked into Trader Vic's restaurant for dinner. Now Trader Vic's is awesome! Very upscale but still very exotic and adventuresome. The walls were covered in bamboo and orchids. We were greeted with another cool towel and pineapple juice. It was lovely to sit in the candlelit restaurant overlooking the river. I'll never forget it. They do have Trader Vics in the States; however, I doubt overlooking the Planet Hollywood casino in Vegas would be quite as charming. We finished dinner and took one last ride on the boat back to the BTS. It was quite an enchanting experience.

We are the Wild Stallions!!
Just on a quick side note, the music here keeps making me laugh. Not the Thai music, but rather the American music I am hearing. On MTV I saw back-to-back the Goo Goo Dolls "Iris" and Mariah Carey's "Hero. To be sure I loved both songs back in the day, "Iris" is still one of my all time favs, but I used to watched those songs rotate MTV about 13 years ago. As we walked past a store I heard DMX "Party Up (Up in Here)" ... y'all gonna make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here..... And it was topped off when I heard the jazz version of N'Sync's "God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You." Excellent.

Walking, walking and we're stopping.. if you look to your right...
At 6:30 one morning, my dad and I were downstairs, showered, fed, and ready for a day of touring. We had booked a passage on the Floating Market tour outside of the city. I was pretty excited about seeing the Floating Market (farmer's market on a canal) because I've heard my dad talk about it since his first mission's trip 21 years ago. It took us an hour and a half of trying to keep our eyes open to get to the klong (canal) but once we got there we were put in these long thin yellow speedboats (room for one on each seat) and we high-speeded (is that a word?) down the canal. Did you see 007 "The Golden Eye"? That was the boat James Bond road in on. And wow! Did it every feel like we were Indiana Jones! Zipping down the thin canal with banana trees, houses on stilts, and the occasional heron passing us. We landed at the Floating Market dock and then proceeded to get into a tiny canoe sized wooden boat with our new German friends to float around the market. Now the market truly used to be a place for locals to buy and sell produce, supplies, etc. to each other. Now it is a tourist magnet and what they sell is food and souvenirs for the crowds. But it was fun to float down the klong, bumping into other boats, eating a mango and shaking our head to the million "you want an album sir?" requests we got. Now they do everything in this canal! We saw people bathing, washing their produce and dishes in there as well! Made us a little careful of what we bought. Afterwards we walked through the market built next to the klong, and I learned that I am GREAT at bartering! I got some really great deals! Then again, shopping is never a bad thing.

I have a great idea kids! What do you think about an alone day?
Now my dad and I have been together pretty much nonstop the past 2 weeks so we were both cool about taking a break from each other and enjoying Bangkok on our own. For me that meant staying right at the hotel and venturing into a truly amazing alone pleasure: the spa! Spa treatments are pretty inexpensive here, even at the best hotels. So when I saw our hotel had a special for a 2-hour treatment for about $65 USD, I couldn't resist. I was greeted with a tray topped with orchids, an iced flower tea and a cold towel. They took me back to get a foot soak. There were orchids and cucumbers floating in a bowl and my attendant added coconut milk and ginger. The smell was amazing. After a good herbal steam, they gave me a Tom Yum Glow body scrub. Jasmine, ginger, coconut, rice and lemongrass where mixed together for this concoction. And when they say, full body scrub, they mean FULL body scrub. And that's all I have to say about that. Next was a full hour jasmine-mint massage that left me so relaxed I could barely get up when it was over. They gave me a hot towel and lemongrass tea before I left. I think I floated back to my room where I took a long bath and climbed into bed. My favorite episode of Friends happened to be on. Ahhh... Heavenly day.

I am the King. I will lead.
The best part of my journey so far had to be the tour of the Grand Palace and the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. Again, this is a place I had seen pictures of when I was only 8-years-old so I was in awe to see it all in person. Our guide for this tour was a man named Devon. Deveon was flamboyent and ridiculously fun! We toured the beautiful grounds and walked past the Buddha. But my favorite favorite favorite part was when we entered the throne room. Just outside the throne room, there is a lobby of sorts that is plain white walls with a chalkboard on the end of the room. Devon said to me, "Do you know who that chalkboard belonged to?" "Um, no," I replied. Why would I? "Anna!! She taught in this room" he exclaimed. No lie, I completely lit up! Anna! As in "The King and I" or "Anna and the King." That Anna! The famous English governess who taught the offspring of the King of Siam in the 19th century. "Can I touch the board?" I asked Devon. "Of course!" he replied. I love history. I love how it surrounds us and incompasses us. I grabbed a mango juice on the way out and sipped it slowly, looking at the Grand Hall where royals of the past have danced and feasted. It was just awing.

Do you know who I am??
Well yesterday we left Bangkok for good. I was sad. I have learned to love the city a lot. But I was also excited to see Chiang Mai. We had boarded our plane and it seemed to be full but we weren't leaving for some reason. Suddenly a plethera of folks came on out of nowhere. "They must have been a late connection," my dad said. I nodded. We landed in Chiang Mai an hour later and made our way to the baggage claim. Outside there was hundreds of people waiting in the lobby holding signs, chanting, screaming. Suddenly those late comers on the plane were next to us and people kept grabbing them to take pictures. "They must be somebody," I said to my dad. Sure enough, the cast of Academy Fantasia 4, Thailand's version of American Idol, were in our presence. And we didn't even know! My dad and I left baggage claim before the AF4 crew did. As I walked past them, no one screamed for me or tried to give me flowers. Huh, I guess I fooled them. They didn't know who I am!

Pattaya: Bourbon Street by the Sea

Hello from the Land of Smiles!

Well after I had just got used to Bangkok, we left for Pattaya, a beach resort south of the city. We has hired a car and had so much luggage our guide had to stay behind since we needed the front seat for bags! I settled in my seat for the 2 hour ride and went to put on my seat belt. Huh, the belt was there but alas, no place to click it into. I searched for bit until my driver said, "Oh, no seat belt. No seat belt. But you be okay." I politely smiled, nodded, and grabbed the safety bar above my head. He was a nice guy and all, but I've seen the way they drive around here!

Our drive to Pattaya seemed very long. Perhaps because it was only our 3rd day here and we were still getting used to the time change. But it was a good chance to see some scenery. Now Pattaya is a beach resort town, but really it's Atlantic City with a Bourbon Street thrown in. The town is very commercial and touristy. Pattaya used to be a place where GI's would visit when they were on R&R from the Vietnam War. It was a place to get cheap beer and pretty women. Pattaya is still known for it's "Walking Street"; a seedy street of go-go clubs, beer bars, and massage parlors with "happy endings."

Now why in the world were my father, the missionary, and I heading to Pattaya?? Because it is cheap, there is some beach area, and if you avoid Walking Street, it really is just a tourist town. We stayed at the Siam Bayshore hotel which was very nice. The service here is bar-none; the best in the world. Everyone treats you like you are in a 5-star hotel or a VIP. It's very nice to be daunted on, I won't lie about that! :)

The first night we had dinner at the Siam Elephant which is honestly the most romantic restaurant I've been at!! (Which is kinda weird when you are with your dad! lol) But it was beautiful, it overlooked the bay, they played Thai music in the background, the orchids were in bloom everywhere, gas lamps were lit; it was lovely.

Our table also had a view of the street and I could not get over all the tourists there. Mostly there were Russian families, European couples (both gay and straight), and somewhat unattractive American males with their pretty mail-order brides. No lie. There were so many older men with young Thai girls everywhere! I started laughing every time I saw a couple the next few days.

On Saturday, my dad wanted to take me to the Tiger Zoo. Now, I'm a former vegan and even considering heading that way again, so I was a little nervous about the zoo. I had a feeling the animals weren't treated very well. But my dad thought I'd like it so we went. Our driver picked us up right after breakfast and we had a 30-minute WILD ride to the zoo! I've learned that here in Thailand, road markings are merely a suggestion. People drive on the shoulder as an extra lane, will make a 2-lane highway a 3-way highway, and zip and slide past everyone in their way. Breaking doesn't seem to be an opition. I literally held my breath and I think I almost swore once when the cement median and I almost became good friends. Motorcycles are even worse the way they weave in and around. And I've seen couples have their 3-year-old baby in between them on a bike, no helmet of course. In the US, that would be child endangerment but here, no worries! :)

The Tiger Zoo was fun although they definitely weren't the nicest to the animals. :( Our guide was a great girl named Apple (so Gwenyth wasn't the only one!) who was super sweet. She was our guide for the day as she rushed us from attraction to show. I got to hold and bottle feed a baby tiger! And these two boys Jessie and Jerry kept hugging me and kissing me which was sweet! Oh did I mention they are the cutest orangutans?! (Pictures to come later). I also feed a crocodile and we watched various shows: elephants, tigers, crocodiles. For a treat I got a coconut; they drilled a hole in the middle and put a straw in. I drank up the milk pretty quickly, it made me feel like Gilligan! :)

That afternoon I went to the gorgous pool which overlooked the beach. With the palm trees swaying, the waves laping the shore, and the attendants beckoning my every call I thought, "This is ridiculously awesome!" And it was!

The next day we just wandered the mall some, counted old white men with Thai bride couples, and saw the movie "The Kingdom" (which was excellent!). The theatres here serve carmael corn which I was stoked about! Also, before the movie starts, they have you stand to honor the King as pictures of him flash on the screen. The respect for elders here is amazing; I love the honor.

This morning we had a great breakfast overlooking the bay and then prepared to return to Bangkok. I liked Pattaya but Bangkok feels like home. I was excited when we got into our hired car. I had a working seat belt this time!!

Fish on a Stick

Sawsadee kha! Greetings from Thailand!

I have learned two phrases in Thai now: Sawsadee kha (hello, good-bye) and Khawp khun kha (thank you). I try to use them liberally as the rest of the time I'm clearly a foreigner saying "cool" and "no worries." My dad on the other hand keeps saying, "gracias senorita" to our servers or even bringing out a little Swahili, "Asante sana" (thank you very much). He thinks it's funny. Sure dad! :)

Well my first few days in Bangkok were good but interesting. When we first stepped out on Silom street I got a little nervous with the hustle and bustle of the street, all the food vendors and merchants, and the people pressing all around. My dad said to me, "I bet if I wasn't here with you, you'd be nervous." I looked back at him in shock and said, "I'm nervous NOW!" He laughed and assured me everything was fine... and it was.

As before metioned, the traffic is quite busy and motorists have the right of way, not pedestrians. My dad must of warned me 14 times to watch for cars as we crossed the street to the point where I almost got annoyed with him. I know I know! But I was humbled immediately as I stepped of the curb and suddenly a motorbike nearly took me out. My dad gloated a bit. But a few blocks later he almost got took out by a car. It was my turn to gloat. :)

We stopped at this shop called Coffee World to get kiwi smoothies which were amazing. My dad pointed to some ladies sitting outside on the balconey. "They're hookers," he announced. I looked at the large Russian man hitting on them and became disgusted. Poor girls. Stupid man. I realize most girls here get involved in prostitution as their own way to make means, but it angered me that ridiculous men take advantage of them. As we left Coffee World, I glanced over at the ladies again. One was looking at me. When she saw me, I smiled softly. She smiled back. Instantly she changed from a lady of the street, to a young woman just scared, just trying to make her way in life. She seemed innocent and frail. I said a slient prayer for her as we left.

We jumped on the BTS rail system and headed towards the Emporium mall. The malls here have all your big named shops: Louis Vuitton, Chanel, etc. And it's the real stuff too (the fake stuff you buy in back alleys). Fashion is very important here if you can afford it. Those who can are always well groomed and taken care of. I don't feel as bad for applying my lipgloss 47 times a day.

We wandered up to the food court which I loved! It was like a high-end farmers market. Everything being made out in the open, little vendors everywhere. We walked into the grocery store there and I had to laugh for they have a store worker in every single aisle to help you find what you need! Great service!! They had eggs out on the shelf like bread, no refrigeration. And a single imported US peach was 350 baht (about $10 USD).

Now Thai people really don't eat meals but they snack an awful lot. That is why the streets are covered in food vendors selling dim sum, fresh fruit, rice in banana leaves, and meat cooked on the grills in front of you. But for the restaurants they do have, meals are done up elaborately. Plates are decorated with pumpkin roses and paypaya curls and such. Almost too pretty to eat. The coffee here is very very strong, even for me! So I've been drinking tea which the British side of me prefers anyway.

You can't drink the water here or even use it for brushing your teeth. So we buy bottle water (which is like a quarter a bottle) and use that instead. Twice I forgot and out of habit used the sink! Whoops! But I also ate some fruit I wasn't supposed to.... but I'm okay. So I won't let it stop me. :) The fresh fruit here is truly amazing. I'm in love with watermelon juice for breakfast every morning.

As we traveled back to our hotel from the Emporium, I saw a man walking down the street carrying a large stick full of live fish in blown-up bags. I did a double take, but sure enough, he was selling fish on a stick! I laughed and smiled at my dad. Life here is quite different but I'm learning to love it.

I walked back to the hotel with out a bit of apprehension. I was an old traveling pro now. A traveling pro looking out for cars!

Confessions of a New Intl. Traveler

We're here! And I'm exhausted. But one thing is for sure, I freaking LOVE traveling!

Our journey to get here was an adventure in itself! I had just finished packing in Phoenix, and had put a quick coat of paint on my nails, when the doorbell rang.... our Super Shuttle was early, go figure! So I had to ding up my nails as I wrestled my two suitcases, carry-on and purse to the shuttle. Our shuttle driver was this great guy named Ben who had been on the job a week after quiting his former career as a graphic designer. He was trying to make money in the mean time; however, he didn't quite get the GPS system the shuttle had. "How do you get to the airport from here?" he asked us. We laughed and tried to show him. We got lost a million times but finally arrived at the airport.

Checking in wasn't a problem but our flight was delayed from 7:30 PM to 8:15 PM ---and we were there by 3:30! So we got some food and found out our flight was delayed again to 9. So we got an iced tea. And then the monitor said our flight was changed back to 7:30! We rushed through security..... only to get pulled over to the "select" line and had to get patted down. :) By the time we got to our gate, the flight had been delayed back to 8:30 and then changed to 9 PM. Omigoodness! Thankfully, the Little Miss Sunshine shirt my friend Val gave to me was a hit with random strangers so I met quite a few new friends and even got a coffee out of it. (Thanks Val!) :)

We flew to San Francisco and then boarded our long-haul flight to Taiwan. I sleep horribly on planes and this flight was no exception. We flew deluxe economy which is basically the same as domestic first-class; however, sleeping sitting up doesn't work for me and I dozed off and on for 6 hours. Finally, I woke up to the stewardess serving bowls of noddles to those few still awake. Suddenly it hit me that I was truly on an adventure to new lands and suddenly having to endure a sleepless night wasn't so bad. I grabbed my bowl of seafood noddles and chopsticks and sat back with a smile.

After 13 hours our flight landed in Taipai, Taiwan and we had a few hours to kill. I had my second wind and was excited as we wondered the airport, got a coffee and a sweet-milk roll, and found the Hello Kitty store (which I LOVED!). Taiwan, from what I saw, is beautiful. Very green and lush. I hope to visit there someday.

Our last flight to Bangkok was the hardest. After 27 hours of travel I had forgotten my right from my left and I was ready to rest. But we made it and the Bangkok airport is pretty cool looking. We made it through customs and baggage quickly (which my dad says never happens) and got in our car for the hotel.

I don't know how to describe Bangkok than say it is the most unique city I've ever seen. I reminds me of Toronto, Tijuana, and LA all rolled into one. Bangkok is a very old city and about 11 million people; that's about twice the size of New York City! They have extreme elaborate large skyscrapers on one side of the road and run-down tiny apartments with peeling paint and laundry hanging out the window on the other. Traffic is insane! Cars are whizzing everywhere and the motorbikes weave in and around them. As our car was speeding up as another car merged in front of us I looked at my dad and said, "And you complain about my driving??!" There are gigantic billboards everywhere that pale to the size of ours in America (and Todd, if you are reading this, you would be completely impressed!). The city is very commercial. They also have great respect for their King. Giant signs saying "Long Live the King" plaster the town. (Funny I thought, we would never do that for GWB).

We got to our hotel, Sofitel Silom, which is beautiful and modern! One of the nicest hotels I've stayed in. Very W-Hotel feel. My dad instantly took off to explore the town but I took a very long bath and then settled into my bed for a good 3-hour nap. I woke up for dinner at the hotel and then went back to bed.

But by 4 AM this morning, we were both wide-awake! So we watched The Simpsons on tv, drank coffee, and finally got ready for breakfast. Now, we are out touring the city. A ride on the BTS rail system was great to get out of the horrible humidity. The streets are lined with food vendors, roaming dogs, beggars, and tons of people working, rushing, moving. Life is very fast-paced here is seems.

So now I'm off to a cheap pedicure and later dinner at Trader Vics! No napping today though; I need to sleep tonight! And I need to go anyway, cause little bugs keep biting me here at this internet cafe! :)

More later!! Love and miss you all.

Off to Thailand!!

They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step; well, the flight of 9000 miles begins with a check-list!

I'm off to Thailand! My first international trip; well I've been to Canada and Mexico, but most people I know wouldn't consider that international travel (actually, a few wouldn't even consider it travel! But I do!!). :)

Now if I would have picked my first trip it would have been London or Australia/New Zealand; however, I've always wanted to see Asia since I'm partially Asian myself. But my trip to Thailand was a very impromptu decision. My dad and I were eating breakfast at Butterfield's Pancake House one Friday morning when he said, "I wish you could come with me to Thailand next month." I nodded as I took a bite of my garden egg scramble and flipped a page of the newspaper. "You know, you should come with me to Thailand!" my dad repeated. I glanced up, this was serious. I grinned. He grinned. The deal was set. After breakfast he was calling his travel agent and by Monday morning everything was booked. Suddenly I didn't feel so bad I hadn't found a new job yet!

Prepping for a month long international trip took a little more work than I thought! So checklists were whipped out as I coordinated clothes, makeup, books, shoes, granola bars, tanning sessions.... All the essentials! :)

The great surprise is that I am nervous. Really nervous! For a girl whose ideal is to write and travel as much an humanly possible, the idea of traveling for 28 hours and spending 4 weeks in a foreign country is making me somewhat apprehensive. And I already know why... it's part of a dream coming true. One I didn't expect to see for awhile and I literally got thrown into it, suddenly, out of the blue thrown in... and it's freakin' awesome! I feel grateful, and blessed and nervous! And I'm excited because I know God is ready to do some big things in my life; this is just one small step forward.

After feeling somewhat lost in transition for awhile it's so amazing to start a journey that I already know will be such a life lesson. It's more than a trip; I look forward to the way it is going to change my life.

So for those who know me well, I cannot go long without talking on my phone..... I don't know how I am going to manage without it! Therefore I will be taking advantage of my blog to share stories of the people I met, places I'll go, and things I'll see. So for my dear friends who want to keep updated, please check in once in awhile to see how the journey is going. I'll miss you all!!! You can email and myspace me while I'm there; internet is easy to find and cheap! But, oh, my poor phone.....

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?" -Isaiah 43:19

PS 28 hours on a plane is just wrong.
PPS If anyone wants to tape The Office for me while I'm gone... well I heart you if you do!! :)

No Pain, No Gain

Note: this blog was originally written on 09/28/07

So very recently I began strength training again; you know, dumbells, squats, lunges.... aka the non-fun stuff. Now I used to be a hardcore trainer because I LOVED the way it made me feel, but once I got out of school, with my busy work schedule, trying to make time for the boyfriend, yadayadayada, I quit working out. But now that I have all this free time, I found no excuse to hold back so once again running stairs, leg presses and chest curls are trying to become my friends again.... well except for this one problem: I am freakin' sore!

So sore! It hurts to take steps, it hurts to sit down, it hurts to raise my hand over my head, oh the pain! But once I let out a wince from the pain, I instantly smile. Because I know that just means all these exercises are doing what they are supposed to be doing: working my muscles. So while the next few days I might cower at a flight of stairs, in the end the pain will go away and the results will be worth it. I will be in better shape. I'll feel better. As the saying goes: No pain, no gain.

How true can this statement be in our own personal lives?? How much do we hate being in pain? Uncomfortable situations? Anything that takes our "cush" factor away? I was thinking about this tonight as I was driving home. I moved back to Phoenix 8 weeks ago and I feel my life is still not settled here yet. I still don't have a job, I'm still living on my dad's couch, and I'm still praying about God's will for my life. I'm such a passionate person that I get frustrated having to wait, be patient, to walk it out. And I won't lie; I've felt a little sorry for myself. I don't like to be in unrest. And I especially don't want to be in any pain.

But I was reminded tonight by both my pastor and my dad that life isn't always meant to be comfortable. Alot of times we are supposed to walk through pain. How we get through it shows the character of who we are, the strength we have, but more importantly, where our faith truly lies. I know there have been times I missed out on amazing opportunities because I didn't want to walk through the difficulties it might take to get there. Now I never want to look back in regret. I want to know that I tried but most of all that I trusted in God. He's with me in the fire and He will take me out.

And as the saying goes, I know the pain is worth it.

Living Up to Expectations

Note: this blog was originally written on 09/20/07

Okay, I am just going to throw this out there even though it's unpleasant: I'm 29. As in 7 months till 30. Yeah, that 29. I know....

I must admit I'm not necessarily anxious to face this age. My sister tells me 30 is the new 20. Movies have told me young women want to be "Thirty, flirty, and thriving." But I won't lie. I am not excited.

Without a doubt, the world has embraced age these days. People don't grow old, they just simply grow wiser and more mature. Serious relationships are supposed to be best once multiple degrees are completed and the career is well under way; then there is time to mingle. Women don't wrinkle at all; instead they become classically beautiful. Graying men make huge strides up the corporate ladder and in return drive BMWs, date college students and are viewed as studs. Retirement isn't just old folks who move to Florida and eat dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon but rather a statement of succes that they've finished their careers and can now travel to places beyond Disney World.

Sure. But can someone please tell that to the young lady at church who asked me if I was getting nervous that I'm not married yet? Now don't get me wrong, I love the idea of being married some day to my best friend, having pretty amazing kids and traveling with them as much as humanly possible. However, it bugged me when she said that. Like I had failed. Then I realized why I am not excited about being 29 right now. Expectations.

Expectations tell me I should have a successful career right now, or be married with 3 kids, or finishing up a novel I know I must have somewhere within me. Whether these expectations are self-inflicted or due to social environment, I don't know. But what I do know is that for me, normally, the unexpected paths or people that have come into my life have been ridiculously better than any expectation I've had. Jumping away from my expectations sent me to school at age 24.... to Oklahoma! And it was the greatest time of my life. Moving away from expectations sent me on spur of the moment road trips, meeting random strangers that became tremendous friends and opening exciting jobs I never knew I wanted.

I read a verse in the Bible yesterday that says, "I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted" (Job 42:2 ESV). I loved that. God's purpose is so much greater than my expectations. So if I can just trust in His purpose for my life, then perhaps my timelines, my expectations, won't seem so significant anymore.

So I'm telling myself not to be so hard on 29. It's not so bad; so far 29 has brought me a freakin' awesome tattoo, a move back to Phoenix and a step towards a Masters degree. And while goals and plans are wonderful, it's kinda sweet to see what each new year brings. Well, till 50 anyway...... :)

PS So please don't tell my dad about the tattoo! :)

Live to Write, Write to Live

Note: this blog was originally written on 09/17/07

I won't lie: I might get pretty honest here. So be aware if I get too intense or emotional.... It's 3 AM; late night ramblings tend to be very vulnerable.

So I love pouring through old journals. It's interesting to see what my thoughts, hopes and dreams were 2, 3, or even 5 years ago. I love to read funny incidents I had forgotten about, to remember big plans that I was so gung-ho about but then dropped a week later, shake my head at the stupid mistakes I made, and to truly see how God has changed my life.

A wannbe writer, I used to journal a lot. I have countless beat-up notebooks, fancy journals, and even yellow legalpads covered with my words. No huge thought, feeling or story was ever left undocumented. Going through them all plays out my own personal home movie; it's great to rediscover my past.

As I was looking through some of my old journals recently, I realized something I guess I already knew but hadn't let myself think much about. Two years ago, I had quit writing. For someone who expresses her desire to be a writer, I literally had no desire to write anymore. And it's not because there were no great stories or announcements to share, but rather it was the direction my life had taken. I didn't want to document it.

Perhaps someday in another writing, in another blog, in another story, I will share the part of my life I didn't want to recall; however, what I will say tonight is that the past 2 years without a doubt have been the greatest refining process of my life. I've seen the good and bad of human nature, I've walked through the greatest pains I've ever faced, and I had a constant mirror placed before me that magnified my flaws and frailities.

However, now with a little time away, a little time for healing, a little bit of reflection, I realize how amazingly faithful my God is to me. Maybe I never journaled the experiences that hung upon me for so long, but I lived them in an entirely deep, vast and intense way. So while I never physically wrote them down, those memories are still etched within me and not in a paralyzing kind-of-a-way but rather that I have a hopeful story to tell in how God pulled me through.

I find myself wanting to write more and more these days. So be prepared.... Words may follow.

I forgot.....

Note: this blog was originally written on 09/11/07

I must admit, I forgot. I noticed a flag at half-mast today as I drove past a local gas station but it still didn't occur to me why. I figured a police officer had been shot and I missed it since I didn't watch the news last night. I kept driving. I arrived at my friend Missy's school where I was volunteering today and double checked my lipgloss before I hopped out of my car and entered the administration building all smiles at the front desk assistant. I went to sign in and get my nametag when I realized the date on the sheet: 9/11.

I had forgot. I forgot when I woke up this morning relishing that I was able to sleep in till 9. I forgot while I threw on a load of darks, made some toast and checked my email. I forgot while I watched reruns of "Tori and Dean: Inn Love" and contemplated which eyeshadow color I should wear. I forgot as I debated Einsteins or Starbucks for coffee. I was living my life. And I forgot.

Tonight I remembered. As I was walking tonight, the neighborhood I was in was eeirly still and quiet; it reminded me of the walk I took on 9/11 from my car to the campus of Arizona State. Being so close to Sky Harbor Airport there were always planes flying overhead at ASU. But not that day. The quietness felt painful. And on that walk I wondered if life would ever go on being the same. Tonight I realized, sadly, it was.

Truth be told, I never want to see a picture or a video of the planes hitting the towers again. I don't want to see footage of a burning Pentagon or the crash site in Shanksville. That was a horrifying day; one I don't want to replay in my mind. However, I do want to remember what 9/11 taught me: that life is vulnerable and fleeting, that we should love those we love with all our hearts, that we are able to rise up after any circumstance and overcome, and that God will always be the only Hope and Peace this world needs.

So tonight I pray for the families who lost a loved one on that horrible day, I pray for my friends and family whom I really don't pray for enough, and I pray that I remember every day I'm given is such a blessing. That I never want to forget.

What Goes Around Goes Around (not to steal from JT)

Note: this blog was originally written on 08/28/07

The things you think you never will figure out, the things you think will never make sense, the things you wonder and ponder about and don't get the answer to will come with a slap one day. But a good slap. A "duh, how did I not get that!" slap. A "wow, I missed that one!" slap. But that's when life gets exciting. Life lesson 4623. Done. Check. Next....

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

The Fight

Note: this blog was originally written on 08/26/07

Not too long ago, I would have fought tooth and nail. Seriously, I would have fought God tooth and nail for something I wanted in life; something He knew wasn't the plan. But I wanted it, so I would have fought Him. And yet He saved me from myself.

Today, I am thankful for the hardest pain I've walked through. I'm thankful for hitting the end of myself and learning surrender. You see, He fought me tooth and nail so He could save me from myself.

And I've never trusted Him more.

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." ~James 1:2-4

Peace Came on a Saturday Morning

Note: this blog was originally written on 11/19/05

It's 7:49 AM on a Saturday. It's 7:49 AM on a Saturday and I am wide awake, listening to Shane & Shane and catching up on long-overdue emails.

Truth be told, I actually woke up at 7:22. My eyes started to flutter open and I glanced over my slightly sun-brightened room. Suddenly I bolted upright. I looked at the clock -after 7! Dang it! I am late for work! I hopped out of bed and reached the computer desk before I realized it was Saturday."It's Saturday," I mumbled softly to myself in confirmation. I crawled back into bed and snuggled under the covers. Instantly, my eyes started fluttering with sleep and I felt at peace.

Peace.

My eyes suddenly flew open again.

Peace is not a feeling I've had as of late. To be honest, Peace is not really in my vocabulary right now.

But this feeling of contentment, of assurity, of hope feels overwhelmingly wonderful right now. It's like tides are shifting, things are changing. All the things are working together for good.Then it hits me that peace isn't a feeling; it's just of God. It's truly a gift given from the Most High to those He sees. And He sees me. So on Saturday morning, at now 7:58 AM, it's a wonder to be awake and know that God is with me in this tiny room, and has been all along.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." ~Isaiah 26:3

Tasha and Kelly

Note: this bog was originally written on 11/18/05

A few years ago, I worked with some amazing young people from my school in a summer program called Nine-30-One. We worked with youth from North Tulsa, an area that has struggled for decades. The kids in the program were beautiful! I loved them. We would meet with them for prayer and devos every morning, but would also take them out for community service/servanthood-type activities. Of course we would do fun kid (and frankly grown-up) activities like ice cream and dollar movies. I get tears in my eyes whenever I remember the kids and their vivacious spirits. Two of the young girls, however, I will never forget.

Their names are Natasha and Kelly; outgoing girls with unspoiled hearts. I loved those girls so much! I remember the first time I met them. It was at a Saturday outreach. I was in the gym of the Tulsa Dream Center and a friend introduced me to them. Before the end of the day, Tasha was holding my hand and hugging me. Seeing her sister had no hesitations, Kelly instantly did the same. So much love for me; a stranger. It melted my heart.

I had a fun summer with the girls. Every once in awhile I would keep them after church. We would watch girl movies and grab lunch. They loved to laugh. They loved to use my phone. They would exclaim, "Let's call Mike! PLEASE! Or Paola!!" We would call the other leaders and they would beam. Honestly, their faces would glow. The drive back to their home always resulted in serious talks. Home life for Tasha and Kelly wasn't easy. Their mom and step-dad weren't working; their step-dad was sick. I would walk the kids inside their home and shudder. It was always filthy with bugs running everywhere. Very rarely was there food in the fridge. The girls, while more quiet, never seemed angry or ungrateful. This was just their lives. They were used to it. Rather, they would just grab their kitten and play with her while I chit-chatted with their parents.

That fall, the family was kicked out of their home for not paying rent. They had no where to go. With the help of some people, they were able to hole up in a hotel room that wasn't much better then their home. Four people in a small room all day. They never knew if they'd have enough money to stay another night. The girls weren't in school, but Tasha always talked about the Little House books she was reading. I tried to stop by at least once a week to take the girls out for a little bit. They would call me every once in a while and I loved to hear their voices.

One day, the calls stopped. I heard the family left on a bus to Texas. Once, I got a voicemail from Tasha saying she loved me and hoped to talk to me soon. I never heard from her or Kelly again. That was two years ago. I still worry about them. I hope they are okay. I know someone saw them once in Tulsa, but we don't know if they left again. Tasha will be 16 soon, and I think Kelly is around 13 now; young women. I can only pray they are well and that God is protecting their lives. It seems not enough. I wish I could do more. I wish I was married and financially stable so I could find them and keep them where I can protect them. I know that will never happen. I know I will probably never see them again.

Sometimes I wonder why God allows people in our lives who are so special, only to be taken away later? It feels like a game. Yet I know it's not. God isn't in the game-playing business. He is in the refining business. I'm not sure if the girls remember me; but it doesn't matter. I remember them. They will forever be a little piece of silver in my life.