Out of the Comfort Zone

Two of my favorite people ever just found out they are having a baby boy! I was SURE it was a girl; I actually would have put money on it. And they thought it was a girl too! And they were ready for that; they had grown up with sisters, had babysat their boss' little girls, had girl stuff ready to be passed on to them.... they were very comfortable with the thought of "going pink" and having a baby girl. But, ha! What do you know? It's a boy! They are very excited, but very surprised. After we had talked to them tonight about the new adventure that is on their way, my friend Lynda said to me with a smile, "God is taking them out of their comfort zone." I smiled back, nodded, and that line has been in my mind ever since.

I don't think God has called us to live comfortable lives. I really don't. When WE get comfortable, we make our own security. We don't move forward, we don't fall back, we just stay in our comfy and secure setting. I think being comfortable makes us stagnent. It's funny cause we search for comfort. The comfortable salary that affords us the comfortable cars to drive us to our comfortable home with the comfortable plasma TV and surround sound system for when we sit in our comfortable chairs and watch our comfortable shows and eat our favorite comfort food. We get so comfortable, or should I say striving for comfortable, that we forget to be and do and go and see. And that's why I think God doesn't want us to be comfortable because He wants us moving forward.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe God wants us to have nice things and attain success but in Him and through Him and because of Him. Not because of the comfortable security WE built but because of who HE is.... "Your rod and your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23: 4). I know in the past I've worked hard to protect myself. As a matter of fact, these past 6 months since I left California have been all about me trying to protect myself after the past hurt I went through and God working just as hard to make me uncomfortable.... Not in a mean way, but rather He is getting me out of my comfort zone so I will find all the comfort I need in Him. He is teaching me pure faith.

It talks a lot about this in Philippians 3.... Paul says "Put no confidence in the flesh" (v. 3) or else who we think we are outside of Christ. Paul goes on to say that everything he has gained or earned on his own, he counts as loss "in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith" (v. 8-9 ESV, italics added).

I know personally God is telling me to step out in faith. I've done enough hiding. I've done enough security blankets. The comfort I'm striving for will never be found if I'm just looking at TammyLee. I want to live life fully and passionately. I want to run ahead knowing that while it might be uncomfortable, I am pressing forward to obtain what Christ has taken hold for me. Scary? Yes. But I think the uncomfortableness will be well worth it.

Anyway, just some thoughts I had tonight. Peace and love everyone.

The Road Less Traveled

Every time someone asks me what my college major was, I cringe, swallow and slowly reply, "Um, I was a double major, so, um, English Literature and Government." If I can, I avoid looking into their eyes because I know what kind of look I'm going to get: a blank stare that is busily shuffling the word "literature" into their brain in the hopes to come up with an appropriately nice response. Normally, their reply is something like, "Oh, wow... really? And why did you pick those? Do you teach?" I shake my head no and say a phrase that has now come to haunt me: "I chose them because I like them."

Picking a major for me was tough, really tough, as most of my roommates could tell you. And I won't lie, I put in a "Change of Major" request form at the registrar's office quite a few times. Is it because I didn't know what I wanted to be? No, more like there was too much I wanted to be, so many interests. It was hard for me to narrow it down to one. I actually threw in the Government major last minute. It was Spring 2005 and I was supposed to walk that May. I had loved the Government classes at ORU and was taking quite a few for "the fun of it" when I realized I was only 9 credit hours away from having a second major. Although it meant having to take classes that summer, it seemed too good of an opportunity to pass up. So I ran down to the registrar's office one more time with form in hand... I'm pretty sure they rolled their eyes when they saw me coming! Government was a natural choice for me because it went way past politics and into public assistance. If my Government professors taught me anything it was to take care of the public you serve. That sits well with every single vocation one could hope to go into. For sure, my Government major was a great addition.

Ah, but Literature. I love it. Love it love it love it! Now if you ask me to talk symbolism of Dante, Homer, and Whitman, you will probably get your own blank stare back from me. I honestly couldn't tell you all the time periods of Literature and why they are important to each of us (and somewhere my EngLit professors are screaming!) BUT what I can tell you is that I love Literature because it is relational. And I honestly didn't even realize it to just now. Stories move us, they inspire us, they electrify us. We can relate, be brought to tears, laugh, or ponder. Like a great friend, they can make us sit and examine our own lives. I didn't take Literature to become a teacher, and yes, I'm sure it helped with my future desires to write, but I took it because I like how each story could make me personally grow. I know it might sound crazy, but think about how much more we love speeches and sermons when personal stories are thrown in. Jesus spoke in stories, in parables. They are so deeply relational, and as an intense feeler, I love that.

That said, despite my great degree with classes I loved, despite graduating with high honors, my majors don't have "vocation" written all over them. After 6 months (yes, that's six) of job searching, I have sometimes questioned if I chose the right majors. Literature and Government majors don't seem to be in much demand. After asking me what majors I chose, people then ask me, "Well what do you want to do?" I think they think I don't have a clue what to do next. The truth is, I don't. I do know exactly what I want out of my life, meaning I really feel I know the calling God has given me. However, this calling isn't really a keyword search I can fill into Careerbuilder.com search engine and find a job match. It's been a long road, frustrating at times, as I wait. God is without a doubt teaching me patience.

So if I could go back and change it all, my majors, would I? Never! Although the phrase "Because I like them" might not seem meaningful enough, it is to me because I see what they brought personally to my life. The way we want things to work out doesn't always happen. Actually, in my case, it rarely happens! :) But it is okay because it still works out, but just in a way I never planned. And you know what, for a girl who likes stories, it's better to see God unfold my own personal story before me. I know I make mistakes sometimes; I can even tell you a few I've made so far this morning, but each day, I am learning SO much. Despite its winding lessons, I definitely have taken the road less traveled, as said in Robert Frost's poem, "The Road Less Taken." But I would do it again in a heartbeat, because "it has made all the difference."

The Road Not Taken
By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

An Open Heart

There is no charm equal to the tenderness of heart ~ Jane Austen

Yesterday, two of my dearest friends, Missy and Lynda, and I put on cute skirts and pretty jewelry and headed to Gooseberries Tea Room for a delightful afternoon tea. We sat down at a table covered in a delicate floral cloth set with pretty white and lavendar china cups and tiny rosebud spoons. Our server, Deb, brought us apricot flavored tea, with a spot of milk, and a basket full of freshly baked heart-shaped scones. We broke open the warm scones, topped them with Devonshire cream and raspberry jam, and spoke of all things womanly: mutual friends, decorating homes, future children, classic books, music, church activities, and new romantic movies we must see. It was a very, very girly day. (And I'm sure I've lost my male audience by now!). But it was wonderful to sit with friends who tenderly love each other simply because of who we are, to be encouraged and supported in life decisions, and to share in the joy and pain life offers as only friends can. It's one of the beautiful parts of life. The thought later came to me, our closest friends believe so much in us, and we in them, and yet why do we have such a hard time believing in ourselves? Why can't we open our own hearts to us?

I heard a line this week that will probably stick with me the rest of my life. It went something like this: "You are free, and yet you are caged by your unbelief." That kind of startled me when I heard it. I can think of so many friends I know who I believe in so much, and yet they are held captive by their fears. It breaks my heart so much for their sake. Then it dawned on me, that as much as I would like to pretend I'm free, I know there are still many areas in my life where I hide myself. I step back to make myself "safe." "Safe" equals protected. I do think stepping back in fear is truly a natural reaction. But safe living isn't really living, it's really just surviving. I truly believe God has called us to live full-on adventureous lives. Lately, I just keep telling myself, "You might be nervous, but do it afraid. At least you know you've tried." I find myself now trusting my own heart more than the fear I felt.

Is it just me or does it feel like there is something changing in the air? Like new beginnings are ahead? This past week I've been engulfed at a few conferences at my church and it seemed like every speaker I heard was talking about taking risk, stepping out into new territory, and just overall expectancy into what God is starting to do. It really left me encouraged and excited because I see things shifting already and I'm looking forward what's ahead.

It's a new day! Open up your heart to you and be prepared. Great things are around the bend.

The Adventures of Cedric and the Prayer Mail

Since I am already a storyteller at heart, I know know know that once I have children people are going to hear ridiculous amounts of detailed tales of their lives. I already apologize. And, while I'm not a mom yet or anything, I do have the cutest kid story to tell about my nephew. It's truly worth you continuing to read! I'm still smiling about it!

The other day I took my 5-year-old nephew Cedric into church with me for a bit; we stopped by the kid's area, Elevation Station. Ced had been playing his Nintendo DS (or rather his sister's DS!) ALL morning and was quite engrossed into it. Standing in the main lobby of Elevation Station, Cedric spies a big blue mail box with a sign on it that says "Prayer Mail." "What's this?" Cedric asks. "Well," I replied, "say you hurt your foot... so you would write on a note 'Please pray for my foot' then you can drop it into the mail and someone will pray for you." Cedric nods and turns his attention back to Super Mario.

All of a sudden the DS dies. Game over. Cedric looks up at me and frowns. "Auntie, make it work." "Sorry baby, the battery is dead. You're going to have to wait to charge it again." He looks at me a second, is thoughtful, and then rummages out of his bag a piece of scrap paper and a blue marker. "Auntie, how do you write 'Fix my Nintendo?'" he asks. I have a hunch what he is doing so I try not to laugh as I write out the sentence for him. He carefully copies it in off-center letters, silently folds it up, and slips it into the prayer mail box. Marching right back to his DS, Ced turns the gaming system on. It lights up for 2 seconds then dies off again. Cedric frowns. "The prayer mail didn't work." Stifiling a gigantic grin, I say, "Baby, they haven't checked the mail yet! They'll check it tonight and pray for it then." He keeps frowning. "Maybe I should spend the night here and make sure they check it," he mutters. I give him a hug, "No, no, it's okay! I promise they'll check it. Your DS will work in the morning." He nods because he knows he has no choice. "Okay," he says very, very seriously.

Later that night, I turn Cedric and the battery-dead Nintendo DS over to my sister and tell her the story. We are both smiling and trying hard not to laugh. I lean over and whisper in my sister's ear, "Make SURE you charge it tonight!!!" She nods, "For sure!"

Sure enough, the next day the DS worked, Cedric was happy "someone" had answered his mail, and I now have a story to tell at his wedding reception. Win-win for all!

A Few of my Favorite Things

When I was visiting California a few weeks ago, and staying with my wonderful friend Karla, she said to me, "You know, if I was looking at your overnight bag, and didn't know it was yours, I would have figured out it was yours pretty quickly. All your stuff screams 'Tammy'!" I laughed and said, "Like what?" "Your aromatherapy body wash, pink lipgloss, nail polish... it's Tammy all the way." I had to smile when she said that. It's nice to feel someone knows your style so well that they can figure out what you like the most.

I was puttering around online, looking at some of my favorite things, when I thought, what the heck! I'll post some of Tammy's favorites... well, for this month anyway! So here are some of my must-have favorites in no particular order....

1. My guilty pleasure...

I won't lie, I am completely addicted to this website. Every single morning, I get up, check my email, check my MySpace, and then head to TMZ.com. Thank you Harvey Weinstein. And, please, don't judge me by this.

2. One of the best reads ever...

I will officially cart this book around with me until I retire. Amazing work (and life) tips!

3. Drift off to SLEEP....

This amazing pillow mist from Bath and Body Works is soothing. I love snuggling up in sheets lightly sprayed with this fresh scent.

4. Assistant to the Regional Manager...

People either love it or hate it. I, for one, LOVE it! Since Season 4 is put on hold due to the writers' strike, I have been watching Seasons 1-3 over again, and over again, and over again... And I still die laughing. I fall asleep to it every night. No lie.

5. Vegan Power...

I am quasi-vegan and this cookbook from Dreena Burton makes vegan eating exciting! You can check out her great blog here too.

6. Heaven in a cup....

For the moments I'm not vegan, this delectable drinking chocolate from Sprinkles Cupcakes is pure joy topped with a vanilla-bean marshmallow. Based in California, Sprinkles is expanding across the USA and opening up a new store in Scottsdale this month. If anyone wants to go, CALL me!

7. TCBY what???....

Again, for the non-vegan days, this is the YUMMIEST frozen yogurt ever. Believe the hype. Currently only available in California and New York, Pinkberry offers just 3 flavors (plain, green tea, coffee) that are more tart than sweet. Top off with fresh fruit (AKA freshly cut whole fruit, not chopped up mush floating in sugary syurp) and even fun choices like Cap'n Crunch or Fruity Pebbles. You've got yourself the perfect healthy-ish treat!

8. Use Your Body...

I HATE working out. But I do it anyway. But I HATE it. A lot. It bores me. But I found a trick that works for me: pilates! With only a 20 minute work out, sculpting the body is not too much of a challenge. And it works! Only a few weeks of faithful use and I'm totally seeing ab lines showing. So God bless Joseph Pilates for creating a system that doesn't leave me bored and doesn't take up too much time!

9. Words! Words! Words!...

So this isn't really about Shawn McDonald (although his music is AMAZING and I highly recommend him!). No, rather it's about his wife, Kate, and her amazing blog! I started reading Kate's blog a few years ago, and it's one of the few I still consistently read. A young wife, mother, and deeply spiritual person, I really find Kate's blog encouraging. So go here and read for yourself. Don't be surprised if you become addicted!

10. Just Can't Get Enough...

of C.G. Bigelow's Strawberry Shake Lip Shine!!! This clear gloss has a strawberry milk scent to it and is a perfect base before I throw on MAC's "Fabby" lipstick. The only downside? It's out of production right now! :( I hope they come back as a summer flavor. PS Btw, if you didn't know, I am completely addicted to lipgloss!!!


Well that's all I got for today!! Hope maybe you find one or two items you might try out!

Peace and love
Tams

Wounds

Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. You believe God, believe also in me..... In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart! I have overcome the world. ~ Jesus Christ

Weighted. That's the only word I can use to express how I feel tonight. A sad, heavy feeling because of what I see around me: wounds. Whether it's hearing it through the phone lines or seeing a desperate face, there are so many I love dearly going through what could be the greatest pains of their lives. I, desperately in turn, want to suck that pain right away from them. To, in place, fill them with a joy and peace that can only be from above. And yet I feel all I can do tonight is pray. And while prayer moves mountains, it hardly seems like enough.

When I think of the word "wounded," I think of a war, a battle. Soliders are brave, trying to push back and fight off the enemy, but then they are hurt, taken down, and, I wonder, in that moment, how do they feel like they can get back up and keep fighting? I know me. If I was wounded in battle, I would stay down and just focus on tending the wound. Wounds can paralyze. It's easier to stay down then to keep marching on.

I'm not one for watching movies filled with blood and violence, but yet, I do love movies about war. I think the heroic sense of the soliders, no matter what they are facing, hold on. Through bullets, bombs, fear and even death, they believe the battle is worth fighting for, so they hold on. They still have hope despite their wounds.

I think I sometimes fall into that false comfort most Christians have at some point and time, ie. "I'm a Christian! Life will only be trial-free!" Don't get me wrong, I do believe God looks out after us; however, Jesus clearly says "You will have tribulation." The wounds are going to come, don't think they won't. But, wow, Jesus continues to say "Take heart!!" (some translations say "take courage" or "be confident"). And why? Because "I have overcome the world! [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you]" (Amplified Version).

I encourage you tonight, no matter what your battle is, no matter what wounds are trying to bring you down, cling to the hope that you already have overcome through Him.

So I leave you with a simple but promised-filled phrase from one of my heros,Winston Churchill: "Never never never give up." Amen.