Walk in Beauty

I was running late this morning. Truth be told, I run late most mornings.... I was slightly frazzled as I ran around the house. I had to get to work and I needed to pick some stuff up at the store plus call my dad, mom, sister, aunt, and my boss all in about 30 minutes. My mind was focused on my duties in front of me but my heart was not. My heart was with a dear old Ukrainian man whose sweet voice I wouldn't hear again for a very long time. My grandpa passed away last night. And everything else seemed to pale in comparison.

I slipped in and around palm-lined streets as a careened down a pretty light traffic day here in Phoenix. My little worn Nokia hung in there for me as I made repeated calls on my drive. My eyes, tear-free, stared blankly ahead. Sweet text messages of support would pop up now and again from dear friends.

Running into Safeway, I purchased a few items needed for an important grant meeting today, and quickly walked back to my car hoping I still had time to hit Starbucks. After a night of tossing and turning, a simple tall cup of Pike Place Roast seemed wondrous. One black high-heeled foot in front of another I smartly walked the pavement to my car (which, for the record, desperately needs a washing).

I glanced up after rummaging for my keys to see a pretty-well-kept homeless man about to pass me. He was wearing an army jacket, was clean-shaven, with dark hair and dark eyes. He smiled at me and I smiled back with a nod as I kept walking.

"Excuse me ma'am?" he said after I passed him.

I turned around. "Here it comes," I thought waiting for the line.....

"Do you have any spare change I could have?" he asked.

Now normally I would reply, "I'm sorry, I don't have any cash on me" which is the God-honest truth. I never have cash. Ever. Ever ever. And if I do, it's because someone gave it to me.

However, today I knew I did have $1 in my wallet leftover from my BFF who had given me cash to pay the airport parking fee yesterday. (See, she takes care of me). A single dollar didn't seem like much to offer this man. But it was all I had. So I replied:

"I think I have.... yup, only $1," I said as I removed the solitary bill from my wallet. "I'm sorry that's all I have." I handed him the lone dollar.

He looked at the dollar, this small dollar, and his eyes widened. He looked at me and smiled, "No, thank you ma'am. God bless you for helping me."

This man genuinely looked shocked someone gave him something. And it was something so small, I felt embarrassed. But I smiled at him and said, "God bless you too."

I turned to go, when I heard him speak again. "You are looking good today ma'am. Walk in beauty."

His sentence, his small sentence, made my eyes widen. I smiled and told him thank you, and continued the short journey to my car.

Walk in beauty.

This gentleman didn't know that beauty is a word I had been pondering the past few days. As a woman, I know we can be obsessed with beauty. We'll struggle, deny, fight, starve, pimp, primp, cut, inject, dye, tan, peel.... we'll do anything to strive for beauty. And as not to be conformed to this carnal sense, I had been praying for God to show me what true beauty is. I believe beauty is of God. I do believe it is a gift. But what is true beauty?

You look good today ma'am. Walk in beauty.

And suddenly, I thought of my grandpa. My precious grandpa who sacrificed for the sake of the Gospel. My grandpa who endured struggle and heartache and yet never ever wavered in his faith. Who always said to me, "Tammy, keep your eyes on Jesus and you will never fail." My grandpa walked in beauty.

I thought of my friend Becky who I sat watching last night during church as she held her tiny baby in her arms. Little hugs, little kisses, little tender strokes on her face. All letting this baby know she is loved, desired, and cared for. Becky walks in beauty.

I thought of my pastor, Tommy Barnett who has dedicated 28 years of his life to our church (almost as long as I've been alive!). Every week he leads and serves each of us, and yet, his heart longs for the one person who hasn't experienced the healing from heartbreak only Jesus gives. And he'll do anything to find that person. Pastor Barnett walks in beauty.

I thought of my sister, Tara who is the strongest person I know, raising 2 of the most beautiful kids in the world, always putting others needs before hers and rarely being pampered like she deserves. Tara walks in beauty.

I thought of my BFF, Val who just spent the entire weekend blessing my life, making sure I knew how special I was, and never doubting I have someone who will do anything for me. Val walks in beauty.

Then I thought of this random stranger whose brief existence in my circle of life opened my eyes to a foundational core, and that is this: beauty is everywhere and in everybody. Beauty is life and truth. Beauty is walking in what God has given to just us; His gift for our lives. Beauty is showing that gift to the world. Beauty is God.

Climbing back into my car, I threw the bags into the passenger seat, and thought of the beautiful life my grandfather walked in. I thought of the race he ran with great faith and endured. And I know, late last night, he walked into a whole new realm of beauty hearing the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." See my grandpa now walks with Beauty. And then tears filled my eyes. I couldn't be happier.